The Straw That (Part 3)

Let me catch you up to date.

First, if this is the first you're hearing about a straw debacle - check out parts one and deux here and here.

Here's the latest-

B's adorable girlfriend comes in and says she saw a package outside our house and picked it up for us before it could get stolen (by what are now called porch pirates - you're welcome).

A package? Hmmm. I think everything on sale in the Western Hemisphere I ordered has already arrived.

Wait, it's from the same people that inadvertently sent me those nesting straws. What do they want now?

Did you order something from them? Husband asks.

I don't think so, I say with all the conviction of someone who accidentally ordered face scrub from Spain.

I open the package and it's the same package of nesting straws.

No.

This can't be possible.

Check the packing slip, and yup, poor Amy Fish from Monroe Township loses her straws once again. In fact, according to the slip, these were sent URGENT and FOR QUICK DELIVERY.

Husband takes a closer look at the straws than I ever did and figures out that in fact they do come with a cleaning brush so let me print a retraction right here and say I'm sorry for the Ew.

I immediately pull out my phone and contact customer service, letting them know that once again, they have the wrong Amy Fish.

Just kidding.

We finish dinner and forget about the reusable nesting straws.

Three days elapse.

Oh right I forgot to deal with the straws.

Jump back on to website and chat box with same guy.

Try to explain what happened but he keeps referring to it as "my order".

I tell him this is the furthest thing from my order, I never asked for these straws, and if anything they are becoming the opposite of environmentally friendly as they continuously re-ship them incorrectly to not only the wrong person, but the wrong country.

(I am wondering what poor Amy Fish is using for straws while this all gets ironed out)

Chat box guy is stumped and told me he needs to research this further and get back to me.

Meanwhile I am seriously considering one of the following:

• Moving to Monroe Township to see what other mail I can intercept
• Changing my name to Cardi B, I'm sure her online shopping is better than a few lousy straws
• Sending the straws to Amy at my own expense 
• Using disposable straws as a lifetime protest

This story is probably not over, stay tuned.