Friday, 13 January 2017

Lips Are Sealed

Listening to Seat of the Soul on audiobook and agreeing with the idea of setting intentions. Plus heard Oprah talking about it and it sounded motivational although she might have been reading her grocery list I would follow that woman anywhere.

Perfect timing it's January I'll set an intention for 2017.

This will be the year of Dropping the Subject.

One of my many bad habits is that I will go on about something long. Long. Long. Long. After. It's. Over.

Now I have to try.

No matter what happens.

I can't keep bringing up the same story over and over.

Like for example laundry on the floor.

Once I've mentioned it once, I can't keep going on about the laundry.

And you know, picking it up. And possibly throwing it into the laundry basket. And putting clean clothes away.

Because I've already mentioned it.

So now it's over.

The word laundry will not leave my lips.

Dirty clothes can sit, mouldering and festering on the hardwood all over my house, and you will not hear a peep from me.

I will just step over all the pizza patterned American Eagle underwear in the world.  Hoodies left and right and not a word. Not saying I'll like it. But I won't nag. I mean well I can nag once. But only once. Then I will just drop the subject.

Like this?

See?

It's dropped.

Like a wet towel. On the bathroom floor. 







Saturday, 7 January 2017

Complaint Department Gift Guide

You may be thinking that this is unusual timing for a Gift Guide.

You would be right.

HOWEVER.

Relaxing and reading magazines etc over the break I noticed that lots of people are sharing Perfect Gift Guides and I want to tell you what I think constitutes a perfect gift:

A gift that you bring to my house when I invite you over is a perfect gift.

It doesn't matter what it is.

Here is my Gift Giving Guide for 2017:

1. When you are invited to someone's house, bring a gift.

2. Do not show up empty handed that is rude.

3. Gifts for the kids or pets (bubble gum, silly putty, comic books, chew toy) may be easier to choose  and are acceptable hostess gifts. (You may want to verify whether your host has a pet first. Chew toy for toddler may lead to potentially awkward situation. Same is true for  kids - you don't want to bring a video game for a parrot. Reconnaissance is key.)

4. Wrapping is optional. You can pick something up (chocolate bars, mineral water) at the dep. (Dep is like the Quik-E-Mart but in Montreal. If you don't live in Montreal, you are probably warmer than we are right now any convenience store is fine)

5. Do not obsess over making your gift perfect. This may stop you from actually picking something and then you will be empty handed which is rude.  All you need to do is bring SOMETHING it doesn't have to be just right.

6. Do not call the host minutes before you are supposed to arrive and ask if they need anything. This is very irritating. The host is frantically racing around hiding the pizza boxes taking the roasted goose out of the oven and dressing the chestnuts and does not want to pause to discuss the finer points of Fresca vs. Diet Sprite with you. The time to offer is when you get the invitation: Oh, we would be delighted, what can I bring? Otherwise, you're on your own. Choose something and bring it.

7. If you hate stores or shopping or budget is a constraint, feel free to regift, but do so honestly, as in "I just finished this book and I knew you would love it." or "I knit this scarf and it's too long for me but I think it will look fabulous on you." Auntie Havie spent years wrapping her spoons and passing them off as antique soup ladles - picked out just for you. Saved tons on packing materials when she moved.

8. Baking or cooking something for the event counts as a gift.

9. If you forget to bring a gift, or you forget your gift at home, send something the next day. Gift card, flowers, chocolate dipped fruit basket.

So you see, you don't need a gift guide.  All you need - is a gift.




Saturday, 31 December 2016

Lesson Learned




Amy I think I got spammed from you.

Oh no. What did I say?

Something about a yoga workshop. Haha. As if.

Um, actually, it might kinda be true.  Is it in January?

Yeah, I think so, but I didn't read that far into it because it was SO obviously not written by you. Wasn't funny at all, and there was like, no hook, you know what I mean?

Er, really? Because I ---

You guys talking about that weird spam from the other day?

Yeah from Amy? Did you see it?

The yoga thing? Uh-huh but there's like no way Amy wrote it. You can tell, because it's like so not her.

Guys? It might've been me? Is it like the thing with my yoga friend?

Well, like could be, but it reallllly didn't sound like --

Hang on, so you ARE doing it? You're teaching a yoga class?

Well, it's a workshop. Like, guided meditation and then like, some writing instruction and opportunity for uh -

You ARE teaching it? Because man, it really didn't sound like you've written it. Wow.  I'm shocked What's it about?

Finding your inner voice.

Oh.

Possible Trite Sayings That Could Correspond To This Situation:

1. Those who don't know, teach
2. Physician, heal thyself
3. To thine own self be true
4. It doesn't matter where you are coming from, it matters where you are going



Sunday January 22 9:30am-12:30pm
$50 in advance, $60 at the door
l"Esprit Rehabilitation Centre near Vendome Metro, Montreal
 Click here to register via e-mail
limited space available and not to show off but half the spots are already taken

Something From Our Vaults (aka 2012)

Click here to read today's post.


Thursday, 29 December 2016

Synergies You Don't Need

Super busy weekend and know I should quit while I'm ahead but can't help myself.

Last stop: Dollar Store with eleven year old T.

Forgot my PIN.

It was something about Columbus sailing the ocean blue but with one digit off. 1592?

Tried again.1942?

Still no.

Paid with cash, some humiliation and a dash of panic.

Put off dealing with problem until penniless.

Two different credit cards with same missing PIN and need to put gas in car. Time to handle situation. 1482? Nope.

Go to first bank, blah, blah PIN, blah blah forgot, blah blah help please.

Two pieces of ID?

(hand them over)

Change PINs to Santa Maria Pinta Nina something more memorable.

Took three seconds.

Go to second bank, no line, this should be simple.

Blah, blah PIN, blah blah forgot, blah blah help please.

Two pieces of ID?

(hand them over)

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Are we waiting for something here?

It will just be a minute or two.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Do you know how long this will take? Because maybe I should just go to work and try another branch at my lunch hour?

Well, once the System is on, it will only take Three Seconds.

Ok.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Do we know what the problem is?

Yes. System is not on.

Huh?

I don't usually work at this branch.

OK?

But from what I understand, the person who was supposed to put the System on when she came into work this morning, didn't.

That's strange. Do we have any idea why not?

Apparently she forgot her password.




Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Ooops


Made vague plans with new friend to have lunch at some point in the next couple of weeks.

Text her this morning to see if she's free Thurs.

No, sorry can't make it.

Oh. Sounds kinda cold.

Really? I text back. No Plan B? No How's Fri? No Lunch doesn't work - how bout a coffee?

Sorry. Parent in hospital. Hole in roof dripping water onto brand new teak coffee table.  Dog just barfed and is eating it.

OMG no. It's me that's sorry.

Complaint Lessons Learned

1. So quick to joke around when in fact something (many things) are actually wrong
2. Texting not always the best way to communicate but how else are you supposed to make lunch plans.
3. Gotta love new friends who tell it like it is. Next lunch is on me, cupcake.
4. Teak? Really?