Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Maybe One Of Those Wrought Iron Frogs In A Bikini?

Husband sells and rents industrial dishwashers and dishwashing soap to restaurant and hotel kitchens.

They also do repairs.

Customer calls the other day.

Dishwasher is leaking. Please send Technician immediately.

Technician comes.

Customer's Partner Sees Technician. Says It's not the dishwasher, it's the trap system drain vent. We need a plumber not a Technician. Go Away.

Customer calls back. Where in the name of lillyfeathers (restaurant guys are delicate as you can imagine) is your Technician?

Technician was there. Your guy sent him home.

Why would he do that?

Well with all due respect Sir it seems like the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing.

Customer calls again. We need soap! You brought us a dishwasher with no soap!

Hmmm. That's strange. Let me see what happened.

Check with Sales Rep who swears up and down that she sent soap with order, Customer swears up and down that there is no soap around the restaurant.

Sales Rep gets on the phone with Customer and describes time of delivery, who signed for it, and what soap box looks like.

Hey, Customer says. We found it. But now we have a new problem.

What are we going to use to prop the door open?

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Full Circle

Check into correct hotel.

Attend conference.

Check out at Front Desk and ask for hotel shuttle back to Airport shuttle terminal so that I can take the bus back to the airport using my prepaid ticket. Remember? From Part One?

I'm sorry, our shuttle doesn't go to the airport bus terminal.

Huh?

Our shuttle only goes in a 5 mile radius. The airport shuttle terminal is more than 5 miles away. But I have an idea for you.

OK?

There's a hotel down the street? The Holiday Inn? They also have a shuttle, it's bright green? They drive to the Airport shuttle terminal. So our van guy can drive you to them, and then you can just ask them to take you the Airport shuttle terminal.

Isn't that what got me into this mess in the first place?

Complaint Lessons Learned:

1. You may think the hotel is confused when they tell you they don't have an airport shuttle but in fact you may be calling the wrong hotel
2. You may not be happy waiting for a van pick up but in fact you may not even be staying at this hotel so the van driver owes you nothing
3. You may be relieved to finally check into the correct hotel but in fact you may not have a lift back to the shuttle
4. Holiday Inn has such amazing customer service that even rival hotels are sending me to them



Monday, 21 November 2016

It's All About The Journey: Part Four

Wait a minute. Maybe you're staying at the Hilton:
  1. It's less than a mile up the road
  2. It also starts with H
  3. It's also on a street that starts with A
  4. Both have a bright green logo.
Let me call them and see if they have your reservation.

Yup. You are staying at the Hilton.

Wow, That's Flaky, even for me.

Don't feel bad, Hon. People do this all the time. Would you like a bottle of water?

Yes. To pour on my head so I wake up.

We will get Mike (the van driver) to take you over to the other hotel.

Oh great. I didn't even tip the guy, now, he's going to have to take me from the hotel I'm not even staying at.

Can I please get some change?

Sunday, 20 November 2016

It's All About The Journey: Part Three

Are you sure you're staying at the Holiday Inn?

Yes. I'm here for a conference.

Oh, the Liver Conference?

(What's a Liver Conference? Never mind, I don't want to know.)

No. The Crimebake. It's a mystery writer thing.

That's not at this hotel.

Questions Running Through My Mind:

1. Do I have the wrong weekend?

2. Do I have the wrong city?

3. How will I write this up for the blog?

Saturday, 19 November 2016

It's About the Journey Part Two

Hi it's Mark.

Are you the van driver? I don't see you.

Yeah, I was across the street waiting to see the bus. Guess I missed it.

Ok, because I think you told the hotel you were here waiting for me, and I was like am I in the right place? I don't see this guy anywhere.

Oh ha ha. Yeah, I meant I was across the street. I'm coming to get you now.

Lovely conversation about labour issues in workplace that I would share with you but was sworn to secrecy under the Hotel Van Non-Airport Shuttle Code of Conduct.

Maybe I will have to give him a tiny tip. Scrounge for change and come up empty.

Get to hotel.

I'm sorry we don't see your reservation here.

That CAN NOT be possible. I booked it months ago.

Fish, you said?

Yes.

Could it be under another name?

(Like whose? Make me an offer)

Scrolling through phone and of course have several hotel reservation emails from past travels but not this one.

Are you sure it's not Evan Fish?

Yes. I may not be able to see an invisible van driver but I definitely know my own name.

I'm sorry Ma'am.  We have no reservation for you at this hotel.

You're kidding.

Hmmmm. Now what?

Friday, 18 November 2016

It's About the Journey Part One

Hotel Reception, Can I help you?

Yes, Hello. Do you have a shuttle from the airport?

No I'm sorry Ma'am.

Check hotel website again.

Complimentary shuttle.

Call back hotel and ask to speak to someone who is actually standing in a actual hotel.

Yes, we have a complimentary shuttle but not all the way to the airport. When you get out the airport doors, take shuttle to bus terminal and our shuttle will pick you up from the bus terminal. Call us when you get on the bus.

Hi I'm on the bus.

Great. Shuttle will be there in 20 minutes.

Announcement over Bus PA System: Airport express bus tickets are bought when you leave the bus. Save $2 by buying return ticket.

Buy return ticket to save $2. (This is foreshadowing so please remember this nugget for later).

Disembark and look for bright green van.

Not there.

(Wait 20 minutes at bus terminal)

I was feeling guilty about not having American money to tip this guy but with every minute that I stand on the interstate waiting for him, my guilt abates about twenty five cents.

Hi. I called earlier about an airport bus terminal shuttle?  I'm at the bus terminal and I don't see the driver.

Let me check.

(music)

He says he's there Ma'am.

Um, ok. I really don't see him.

I'm not sure what to say, Ma'am.

Walk around bus terminal which is smaller than my first apartment.

No bright green van.

Is there any way I can get his phone number?

Sure. (gives me phone number)

Call.

Voicemail.

Call.

Voicemail.

Hmmm. Now what?