Just Ask

Husband buying very boring office supplies, lets call them sealant valves (which do not really exist, I have made them up because I don't remember what he was actually buying and it is not salient to this story).

On-line price list says:

1. Buy 1-100 for $11.80
2. Buy 101-499 for $11.79
3. Buy 500-999 for $11.78
4. Orders over 1000 for $11.77

Husband picks up phone and calls company.

There is not a lot of variance in your pricing. I need to buy a bunch of sealant valves. Is there anything you can do?

First, we need to know what sealant valves are. I don't see them here in the catalogue.

Oh, it's a term my wife made up. She means the boring office supplies that I need to fix dishwashers.

Sure, that makes sense. Ok, I will speak to my manager.

*Husband waits 30 seconds*

Yes. My manager says we can take 20% off the list price.

Complaint Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes you get stuff just by asking for it
2. Not everyone likes the phone, but for saving money it can work better than e-mail
3. Wonder what mark-up is since they can take 20 points off without missing a beat
4. Husband not only makes the best coffee but is also a fantastic complainer

Maybe Moby Dick would've been a better choice?

The other day I was reading another blog  innocently working from home, when I clicked on tripped over a guest blogger reviewing her memoir about how unhappy she was with her husband until she tried every suggestion in every self help book she could find, and (spoiler alert) turned her sad excuse for a marriage into the passionate love affair she had always dreamed of.

She explained the premise of her book: she hated her husband, and spent hours dreaming about his death.  Not just his death: his funeral; the eulogy; flower arrangements; memorial service (including varied locations and menu options); and her subsequent re-entry into dating.  She goes on to say that many, many women want their husbands dead and this is perfectly normal. 

I beg to differ.

Yes, over the course of a lifetime and a marriage there are ups and downs.  And, sure, nobody likes the toilet seat left up.  But I will state for the record that if you are fantasizing about what you will wear to your perfectly healthy spouse's funeral something is very, very, very wrong.

She goes on to reassure her readers.  If you hate your husband, she confides, and you wish he would have a heart attack or an aneurysm, you are not alone.  This is the dark side of marriage, she whispers, that no one talks about.

So wishing pestilence and disease on your life partner and father of your child is just another womanly secret like waxing or slipping a few bucks into your girdle. 

I don't think so.

If you are that unhappy, for the love of Christ, crack open a yellow pages and get yourself a divorce lawyer.

I am now officially sucked in.  I need to read more.  I need to understand how she ended up married to this guy in the first place, why they had a kid, what he could have possibly done to make her so unhappy, and how she (spoiler alert) fixed everything within four measly months.

I say a quick prayer to Saint Kindle and the 3G angels, and I click.

Completely forgetting that my kindle is connected to my husband's credit card.

Poor guy gets an e-mail saying his wife just downloaded Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters.

Sorry Honey.