The Table is Cold

Went to all-inclusive resort with N and kids who had never been to an all-inclusive resort before.

Kids want to go snorkeling.

Ok. I say. We can go snorkeling. It's expensive though and you have to watch what the pamphlets say. I've been told it's twenty minutes away and been trapped in the back of a pickup truck held together by cinnamon Dentyne and guacamole for close to two hours.

That's fine says N. Plus I know you exaggerate. I'm sure the pickup truck was fine.

Look through three thousand eight hundred and twelve pages of snorkeling options provided by affiliated tours.

This one looks good says N.

It's only a few minutes away. It offers access to a beach hut with real bathrooms and showers. Bottled water. And full breakfast and lunch provided.

N. I say to her again, lovingly. I highly doubt that there are real bathrooms. I can't imagine that two real meals will be provided.

However.

I look at this like gambling. Throw your two hundred bucks on the roulette wheel and take your chances. Maybe there's a beach hut. I guess there could be bottled water. Let's see what happens.

Bus arrives at appointed hour, air conditioned as promised.

Place is minutes away. Real bathrooms have doors that lock. Shower room is steamy and smells of eucalyptus.

I stand corrected and I drink from the water bottles provided.

Pile onto boat with snorkeling equipment and pile off boat to see marine life.

There is some lovely seaweed.

No fish.

Not a minnow. Not an eel.

Pile back into boat. Paddle to another location. Spit in goggles for maximum underwater visibility.

But there is nothing to see.

No fish. No turtles. No pretty coral.

Just some more seaweed swaying in the Seabreeze.

Repeat above until children get tired/restless/nauseous and adults get exhausted from swimming against the current.

Return to beautiful hut, take hot shower and enjoy fresh lunch.

Possible Lessons Learned

1. Marine life scared off by showers and buffet and prefer to congregate where things are a bit less upscale.
2. 90% of the time we worry about whether the showers will be hot and it turns out we don't even get to see any fish.
3. Amenities can be exactly as promised yet headlining act can still fall short.
4. Journey can be considered a success even if destination is a bit weak.