Where Once Again, Costco is Clearly the Problem

A million years and several cities ago we went out for dinner with another family.

That we didn't know very well.

How did you two meet?

Blah blah blah blah (pause) blah blah.

Something in that (pause) makes me ask the next question.

Have you been married before?

Fork clatters to table.  Blood drains from face.  Furtive glance at children colouring their placemats.

SHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh jeez. So you have been married before.

YES (whispered caps) but my KIDS have no idea.

Oops.  Sorry about that. Will try to keep my part-time job for the psychic network lucky guesses to myself then.

More polite conversation.

No second date.

Lesson learned and all future double date conversations restricted to safe topics such as money and religion.

And groceries.

Millions of years and several cities later.

Out for dinner with another newish couple, no kids this time.

Blah blah blah blah (Costco) blah blah.

Really? Because I hate Costco. With the passion of a thousand suns.  I hate having my food inventory tied up in 2kg of sunflower seeds.  I hate storing the huge bottle of dishwashing soap under my sink.  I hate that they trick you into thinking you are saving money when you are clearly overspending.

That's all true, but I like their produce.  They have a great salad mix, the one with the kale.

Oh right, I say innocently. My friend had a bag of that for lunch the other day, the one with shredded brussels sprouts?p

Fork clatters to table.  Blood drains from face.  Furtive glance at Husband.

Her husband leans over, furious: Brussels Sprouts?  Did you say BRUSSELS SPROUTS? (These caps were not whispered).

Me trying to retrieve moment:  Yes, the shredded salad from Costco. With the kale, the endive. The Brussels-

Husband to wife: You promised me when we got married that never, EVER, under ANY circumstances would you ever bring a brussels sprout into our home.  And now I find out that I've EATEN one? Are you SERIOUS?

I pause, both wondering how I could have possibly seen this one coming and searching for a placemat to colour.

Then it comes to me.

I know how to change the subject.

Umm, have either of you ever been married before?