Knitting Complaint

Disclaimer

Let me preface this by saying how much I appreciate all of your charity knitting and support for all of my projects.

Today's post may possibly be a slight exaggeration just to have something to blog about on this freezing Monday to strike a mirthful note in the hearts of many while gingerly making a point.

Now, for the Knitting Complaint

(Not that I would ever complain about knitting)

Was asked to provide 20 hand knit hats for homeless men for local charity project.

Sounded the siren call of all knitters and six days later was sitting on N's couch with popcorn in one hand, a diet coke in the other and a half a homeless man's hat on my #7 circulars in the other. (Yes that's one hand too many. Maybe explains difficulty in completing project.)

What (Some) Knitters Said 

1. Here's a neck warmer. I didn't feel like knitting a hat but homeless men need neck warmers too, right?

2. Here are slippers. I made them for myself but they are kind of baggy. I guess the homeless men can use slippers too?

3. Here's a pink and yellow striped hat. Maybe there are some homeless women? Or homeless men who are secure in their masculinity and want to make a fashion statement? You know like hetero men who wear skirts? Or nail polish?

4. Here's the hat I was supposed to give you for the charity project you supported in 2012.

5. Can I have an extension? I'm sure the homeless men can use hats in summer, too.

What I Responded

Sure, of course and no problem.  Any hat, scarf or cat sweater that you would like to donate will no doubt be appreciated by the under-housed community of our great urban centre.

So, Where's The Complaint

I think it's interesting that when asked to give charity so many of us want to give what WE want, not necessarily what the CHARITY needs. 

When someone calls and asks for help - and it can't be easy to make that call - let's at least give them what they want.

Key Chain of Events

1. Knitting Weekend
Amy you can't leave your house keys clipped to your car keys.
You are Asking For Trouble.
This is a Huge Security Risk.
Now that we have that straightened out, let's put away our lobby knitting, take out our free drink coupons and get this party started.

2. Found
Here is a bag of my mother-may-she rest-in-peace's old jewellery. And oh look a keychain that looks kind of sleek.
Totally perfect.
Unclip housekeys and put on old/new keychain.

3. Downtown
Going out for Korean food at swanky downtown location with Professor BFF and can't be late because time is ticking when you are leading a robotics lab and researching computer vision.
Plan to take Metro (Montreal for subway) so pack very small purse.

4. Post Office
First drive daughter to school and stop at Post Office to mail hand-knit hat to my Literary Agent. Decline insurance or tracking on package because What Could Possibly Go Wrong.

5. Home
Stop at home to pee and drop off car.
No house keys.
Empty bag.
Still no house keys.
Call Post Office.
No but have you tried our Lost and Found.
Not at Lost and Found or any other morning errand locations.
Give up and drive downtown.
(Peed at Tim Horton's thank you for caring.)

6. Office
Go to Husband's office to pick up his house keys so I can get back into house.

7. Oh No
Have absolutely no explanation for where keys could have gone except for one very glaring possibility.
When squishing hand knit hat into small purse, keychain with house keys must have gotten caught in hat.
Oh, the humiliation.

8. Humiliation
Dear Agent (that I am trying to impress),
It has come to my attention that perhaps my house keys were entangled in the hat I sent you. So please accept my house as your Christmas gift.
Can you please, please, PLEASE let me know if the keys do indeed show up?
With respect, admiration and gratitude,
I remain,
Yours sincerely,

9. Found
Found house keys in the back of my car. Clipped them back to car keys.

Possible Literary Themes

1. Every thing comes full circle
2. All is well that ends well
3. Computer vision researchers know great lunch places (And dinner too - click here to read what happened last time we went out to eat.)
4. Don't believe everything you hear on knitting weekend
5. If you have the right Agent she will rejoice in all your crazy capers along with you and your characters

Three Complaints About New Year's Resolutions

1. We use resolutions as an Excuse to beat ourselves to a pulp.

If only I could put kale in my coffee, then I can really wake myself up and get my nutrients, too!

I should start making my own laundry detergent, composting and reading Tolstoy. In its original.

Put down that oh-so-helpful magazine and get some fresh air.

There are some lovely resolutions you can make to treat yourself better, and still improve your life.

2010 my resolution was to only knit with high quality yarn.  Sure, I still reach for a ball of acrylic every now and then, but for the most part, I respect my work enough to use only the best materials.

(Ironically, the girlfriend who gave me that resolution now owns a high-end wool shop.  I sort of wonder if there was some prescient guerilla marketing involved...)

Choose a resolution that makes you happy.  Not one that fills your heart with dread.

2.  We give up our resolutions too easily.


A million years ago, I took a project management workshop where we learned how to do a brainstorming exercise using post-it notes.  And one of the navy blue suited, 90s Rachel haircut participants actually raised her hand to ask what we should do if we didn't have yellow post-it notes.  Can we use pink? Would store brand be okay?

Lady, it was just a suggestion.

Same thing with the resolution deadline.  The January to December thing - just a suggestion.

If you find yourself in February still not having put your spices in alphabetical order or crunching your abs, you can start now. You don't have to wait till the clock winds its way back to Jan 1.

 3. We are quick to suggest resolutions for Everyone else.


Much as we love looking in the mirror and coming up with ways to improve ourselves, we love even more looking at each other and offering suggestions of ways other people can improve.

It is amazing how many people have offered me suggestions for New Years' resolutions over the past two weeks.  More housework.  Less yarn.  Shorter haircut.

I would never do that to you.

Well, if you insist, there is one teeny-tiny way in which you can improve.

I appreciate deeply that you read this blog.

To fully enjoy the experience, you can comment.  You don't have to say a lot, but if you threw me the occasional one-liner I would be forever grateful.  Anonymous is fine.

Commenting on the blog.  A New Year's Resolution from me to you.