The Table is Cold

Went to all-inclusive resort with N and kids who had never been to an all-inclusive resort before.

Kids want to go snorkeling.

Ok. I say. We can go snorkeling. It's expensive though and you have to watch what the pamphlets say. I've been told it's twenty minutes away and been trapped in the back of a pickup truck held together by cinnamon Dentyne and guacamole for close to two hours.

That's fine says N. Plus I know you exaggerate. I'm sure the pickup truck was fine.

Look through three thousand eight hundred and twelve pages of snorkeling options provided by affiliated tours.

This one looks good says N.

It's only a few minutes away. It offers access to a beach hut with real bathrooms and showers. Bottled water. And full breakfast and lunch provided.

N. I say to her again, lovingly. I highly doubt that there are real bathrooms. I can't imagine that two real meals will be provided.

However.

I look at this like gambling. Throw your two hundred bucks on the roulette wheel and take your chances. Maybe there's a beach hut. I guess there could be bottled water. Let's see what happens.

Bus arrives at appointed hour, air conditioned as promised.

Place is minutes away. Real bathrooms have doors that lock. Shower room is steamy and smells of eucalyptus.

I stand corrected and I drink from the water bottles provided.

Pile onto boat with snorkeling equipment and pile off boat to see marine life.

There is some lovely seaweed.

No fish.

Not a minnow. Not an eel.

Pile back into boat. Paddle to another location. Spit in goggles for maximum underwater visibility.

But there is nothing to see.

No fish. No turtles. No pretty coral.

Just some more seaweed swaying in the Seabreeze.

Repeat above until children get tired/restless/nauseous and adults get exhausted from swimming against the current.

Return to beautiful hut, take hot shower and enjoy fresh lunch.

Possible Lessons Learned

1. Marine life scared off by showers and buffet and prefer to congregate where things are a bit less upscale.
2. 90% of the time we worry about whether the showers will be hot and it turns out we don't even get to see any fish.
3. Amenities can be exactly as promised yet headlining act can still fall short.
4. Journey can be considered a success even if destination is a bit weak.

Three Unrelated Stories That Come Together At The End

1. Try the Door
When my sister and I were in High School our parents took us to France and Italy to see art and eat baguettes and cheese. We went to one museum that to the naked eye looked locked, abandoned and five minutes away from becoming a luxury condo development. There was no internet so we could not look up the opening hours. Instead, we stopped passers-by, all of whom said the museum was closed and had been for decades.

My dad was convinced it was open.

After attempting to enter the building eleven different ways, he insisted that we go around the back and "try the door."

The door was open.

He was right.

I have talked about this, blogged about it, it is mentioned in my first (purple) book, and I am bringing it up again today to tell you that "try the door" has become our family expression for "leave absolutely no stone unturned."

Even if a museum door looks like it's locked, you still have to go and try, because maybe your dad will be right and it will be open.

2. My College Roommate
I went to college and lived in a double room with a roommate I had never met.

Because there was no Facebook at the time, they sent us each other's home addresses in advance. I got a letter from my future roomie saying she was an aerobics instructor and went to an all-science high school. She wanted to be a cheerleader and sounded frankly a little perky.

I wrote her back that my hair was pink and yellow, and would probably be faded by the time school started. I was in a languages and literature stream and was thinking of learning Italian.

(It didn't sound like a love connection.)

Oh, was I wrong.

From the first day we walked into our sub-basement dorm room, and stacked her peach monogrammed towels next to my shredded rejects from the bottom of the linen closet, it was love at first sight. We lived together for all four years, walked down the aisle at each other's weddings and dried each other's tears over late night calls and texts.

3. Book News
I wrote a book called I WANTED FRIES WITH THAT: How to ask for what you want and get what you need and sold it to a publisher in California called New World Library. I am brand brand new to the publishing industry because my last book was published by my late uncle may he rest in peace and he took care of everything for me. The book is coming out in October, and yesterday I had a cover reveal party where I showed everyone what the cover looks like and I posted a million jillion pictures because I am so excited about it.

Bring it all home - options
1. College roommate went to museum and ate a baguette
2. Book publisher dyed hair pink and loved science school
3. Door to college dorm looked locked, but my dad was right

And what really happened:
Roomie saw cover reveal pics and decided to "try the door" and see if book could be pre-ordered. She was right, pre-order link is live as of right now and she was the absolute first person to order my book. It couldn't have happened more poetically if I tried. Well deserved honour, well appreciated friendship and here's the pre-order link for you:
CLICK HERE TO Pre-order my book.