Sunday, 13 May 2018

Put Away Your Grapefruit Scented Bath Bombs and Your White Chocolate Kitkats

Here's what I want for Mother's Day this year:

I want you to talk to your kids about sex.

Reasons Why This Is Important:
1. Sex can be complicated and can get kids into trouble
2. If your kids get into trouble it will eventually become your problem
3. Lots of sex related issues are preventable with information
4. You have the information that can help your kids

Reasons This May Not Pertain To You:
1. Your kids are too old
2. Your kids are too young
3. You do not have kids

What To Do In Those Situations
1. Skip over today's blog and we'll catch you next time. Thanks for showing up.

Amount of People Who Have Told Me They Don't Have to Talk About Sex With Their Kids Because Their Kids Aren't Having Sex

  1. Too many to count
Amount of People Who I Think Are Dreaming in Technicolour May Be Underestimating Their Kids' Sexual Knowledge and Involvement
  1. 100%
Risk of Talking About Sex With Your Kids Even If They Are Not Currently Engaging
  1. Zero risk. Information is always a good thing.

Suggested Sex Topics for Discussion With Examples

1. Condoms.

  • Idea for how to bring up the topic: Let's say your kid is older and going away for the summer. Bring packing list into room and say: "Condoms. Is that something I'm getting you or something you're getting yourself?" 
  • Supportive comments might include: "If you don't use a condom and get an STD your junk will burn and drip until you wish you were never born." Or, "Do you know where they need to swab to confirm an STD?" Then, shudder visibly for extra effect.
2.  Morning After Pill
  • Depending on where you live this could have varying levels of complexity. Know the laws.
  • Your kids should be aware that this exists and is designed for situations where condom breaks or where you accidentally forget to use one. They should know where to get it.
  • Supportive comments might include: "You don't have to tell me all the gory details but if you or any of your friends need the Morning After Pill and you can't get it on your own I can help you."
3. No.
  • You are allowed to say no to sex. There is a video with tea that you might want to watch with them here.
  • Or you can text it to them and tell them to watch it.
  • You may want to quiz your kids on this topic for example: "What if you are in the middle of hooking up and you change your mind?" And the reverse: "What if someone changes their mind on you? Are they allowed?" 
  • Supportive comments might include: "It's your body and you can say No any time. If you ever need me to come and get you, call me. I won't ask any questions."
4. Sex at Parties
  • If you hook up or fool around or have sex with someone you only kinda know at a party, you are taking the following risks:
    • The person might tell everyone your private business and you might be embarrassed (this includes taking potentially embarrassing pictures of you while you aren't paying attention and posting them even if you don't want them to)
    • If you are a boy and have sex with a girl and she gets pregnant it's up to her whether or not she wants to continue with the pregnancy and keep the baby and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
    • If you are hooking up with someone who is drunk and therefore can't consent to sex you might GET ARRESTED AND CHARGED WITH ASSAULT
  • Your kids need to know that this is risky
  • Supportive questions might include: "If you get into trouble at a party, do you know how to get out of it?" "What if one of your friends needs help? Do you have a code or something so that you can call each other?" 
5. Heteronormativity
  • This means acting like girls will only like boys and boys will only like girls. In fact, there is tons of variability here and there is really no reason to assume that your children will be heterosexual, cis gendered or binary. If you don't know what I'm talking about ask your kids.
  • Therefore, when talking about dating and sex with them you may want to consider avoiding pronouns or using he or she or they. I personally get tripped up with they so unless someone asks me I find it easier to be vague. 
  • So here's an example. Instead of saying "Were there any cute boys at the party?" you may want to say "Anyone worth discussing at the party?" 
  • Or, if discussing sleepover rules, instead of saying "You can't have girls sleep over", you may want to say "No sleepovers with people you are dating."
Complaint Tie-Ins
  1. Many of us have complaints/issues re Mother's Day so I thought I'd create a diversion
  2. This is the one day a year where your children are not allowed to complain about how annoying/embarrassing you are so I thought you could use this time wisely
  3. Rather than complain about the gifts I want like for example clean your rooms please and am not getting, I thought I would ask for a gift from you.
  4. And, in case you haven't figured it out yet, this post is actually my Mother's Day present to you! 
Happy Mother's Day

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