Complaint Department Gift Guide

You may be thinking that this is unusual timing for a Gift Guide.

You would be right.

HOWEVER.

Relaxing and reading magazines etc over the break I noticed that lots of people are sharing Perfect Gift Guides and I want to tell you what I think constitutes a perfect gift:

A gift that you bring to my house when I invite you over is a perfect gift.

It doesn't matter what it is.

Here is my Gift Giving Guide for 2017:

1. When you are invited to someone's house, bring a gift.

2. Do not show up empty handed that is rude.

3. Gifts for the kids or pets (bubble gum, silly putty, comic books, chew toy) may be easier to choose  and are acceptable hostess gifts. (You may want to verify whether your host has a pet first. Chew toy for toddler may lead to potentially awkward situation. Same is true for  kids - you don't want to bring a video game for a parrot. Reconnaissance is key.)

4. Wrapping is optional. You can pick something up (chocolate bars, mineral water) at the dep. (Dep is like the Quik-E-Mart but in Montreal. If you don't live in Montreal, you are probably warmer than we are right now any convenience store is fine)

5. Do not obsess over making your gift perfect. This may stop you from actually picking something and then you will be empty handed which is rude.  All you need to do is bring SOMETHING it doesn't have to be just right.

6. Do not call the host minutes before you are supposed to arrive and ask if they need anything. This is very irritating. The host is frantically racing around hiding the pizza boxes taking the roasted goose out of the oven and dressing the chestnuts and does not want to pause to discuss the finer points of Fresca vs. Diet Sprite with you. The time to offer is when you get the invitation: Oh, we would be delighted, what can I bring? Otherwise, you're on your own. Choose something and bring it.

7. If you hate stores or shopping or budget is a constraint, feel free to regift, but do so honestly, as in "I just finished this book and I knew you would love it." or "I knit this scarf and it's too long for me but I think it will look fabulous on you." Auntie Havie spent years wrapping her spoons and passing them off as antique soup ladles - picked out just for you. Saved tons on packing materials when she moved.

8. Baking or cooking something for the event counts as a gift.

9. If you forget to bring a gift, or you forget your gift at home, send something the next day. Gift card, flowers, chocolate dipped fruit basket.

So you see, you don't need a gift guide.  All you need - is a gift.