It Would Just Be in Poor Taste

Hi I would like to place an order for delivery.

Go ahead.

Three hot and sour, eight won ton.

Shrimp or pork?

Shrimp.  Then I'd like two chicken with crispy spinach, two General Tao, two spare ribs one eggpla-

Eggplant spicy or not spicy?

Well, spicy, but not like too spicy. We want flavour but not to burn my mouth. Know what I mean?

Yes yes.  You like peanut butter dumplings?

Oh good idea.  Can I ask you to hang on a sec. DO WE WANT DUMPLINGS? NO, THE ONES IN PEANUT BUTTER.  I THINK THEY'RE CALLED HUNAN  Sorry I'll be right back.  GUYS! HELLO? DUMPLINGS? ASK THEM IF THEY WANT DUMPLINGS.  THE GUY IS WAITING ON THE PHONE.  UM OK FINE.  How many in an order?

Six dumplings in an order. Very good peanut butter dumplings.

Ok I have NO CLUE where anyone is so I'll just decide.  Sure we'll take the dumplings.  Two dumplings.

How many rice?

Six rice.

Let me repeat your order. Three hot and sour. Eight shrimp won ton. Two crispy spinach chicken, two General Tao, two pork spare ribs, one eggplant not spicy. Two Hunan dumpling. Six rice.

Sounds great.  When will you be here?

30-45 minutes.  I have one more question please.  Is this for a shiva?

Excuse me?

I have to ask you.  Is this food for a shiva?

Oy g-d forbid.  What kind of question is that?

I'm sorry ma'am but I need to know.  We never send fortune cookies to a shiva.

Probably Laughing All the Way to Hunting Lodge in Jackson Hole

New craze going around Facebook called #feedthedeed (#needthefeed?).

Get nominated to do something nice for total strangers.  Take pics or video and then nominate someone else.  You have 24 hours to do it.

Have not been nominated.

In line at Grocery Store, guy ahead of me wearing scruffy hunting jacket.

Total bill comes to $15.33

Trying multiple credit cards.

Nothing works.

Line not getting shorter, people not getting more patient.

Think about all the #feedtheneed videos on FB, and feel motivated.  Don't have to actually be nominated I tell myself to do something worthwhile.

Admiring all the good works I have been seeing lately, and with all the knowing confidence in the world, I slip the cashier a twenty and say I got this.

Guy in scruffy hunting jacket does not make eye contact.

Takes forty-two fifties and about thirty-seven $100 bills out of his wallet.

Selects a crisp red $50 and hands to cashier.

No wonder have not been nominated for #seedthefeed.

Have worst sixth sense ever.

Almost tried to buy groceries for a millionaire.

Two Thumbs Up (For the Price of One)

Went to esoteric local film festival with fellow documentary aficionado last night.

Tickets were $11 per person.

Tried to buy them online and got obscure error message.

Asked aficionado to try her luck.

Got different yet still obscure error message.

Luckily film festival was sufficiently esoteric as to attract very minimal crowd.

Tickets were $11 per person.

But 2 for 1 if you have a bus pass.

Oh too bad, I said to cashier.  I should have borrowed bus passes from my kids.

Heehee, she laughed noncommittally.

Wait a minute, aficionado said to me and to the cashier.

If she has two bus passes, don't you think she should be entitled to the discount?

(Bear in mind that I had no actual children with me, let along children with bus passes)

Cashier thought it over.

Ok she said. I will give you two tickets for $11.  Enjoy the film.

Choose A Moral:

1. No wonder film festival is not attracting crowds.  Advertising budget clearly blown on giving bus pass discount to apparently undeserving aficionados.
2. If you carpool your teenage children, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that they arrived at school on time.  However, you may possibly be encouraging their dependency on you, and to add insult to injury, you will have to pay full price at the movies.
3. If you ask nicely, sometimes you can get free stuff.
4. Last Woman Standing. Highly Recommend.