Monday, 11 January 2016

Overheard At A Shiva

I pick her up, she jumps in the car and is like MOM! The movie we saw in after-school today was sooooo inappropriate. So, I'm like, what movie? I mean like I normally let my kids watch like, I don't know, like Two and A Half Men or whatever. So for her to freak out like that, I'm like Shit this must be really bad.

K, go on.

So she says to me, It wasn't just the Grade Threes MOM. There were Grade Twos there and I think the Grade One class. Oh no wait. The Grade One class was in the gym. Maybe that was the kindergarteners. Anyway Ms. Fairchild's class was there, and Mme. Lamontagne's class and MOM I really think you would NOT have liked the movie.

What movie?? I can't imagine where this story is going.

K, hold on. So she says to me: They let us watch Bridesmaids.

BRIDESMAIDS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL COULD THEY POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN OH MY GOD so whadja do? Didja call the school? I would've, oh jeez. I don't know what I would've done.

So I call the school and I speak to the Principal and I'm like, Listen. We usually love the after-school program blah blah blah and the counsellors are usually so blah blah and I'm so sorry I have to call you about this.

OH MY GOD you SO did the right thing. So was she like Oh my god or was she just like whatever?

Well she asked me like So what movie was it? And I told her Bridesmaids and she was like Are you sure? That's really strange. That really doesn't sound like something they would do.

So I go back to Fake Kids' Name and I say Are you sure the movie was called Bridesmaids? And she goes to me - are you ready for this -

I'm dying. 

She goes to me - it was something with a bride. Oh yeah, now I remember. The movie was called Princess Bride.

Complaint Lessons Learned

1. Collect all the appropriate data before you lodge a complaint
2. Start with after-school. Work your way up to the Principal only if necessary
3. If your star witness is an eight year old you may have a problem
4. Even at the most tragic of shivas, if you listen hard enough you will hear a funny story

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