I May Not Be Able to Wear a Kippa or Hijab to Work But G-ddamit I Can Get $26 Off My Room

One thing led to another and I pull up at the Hampton Inn unexpectedly.

How much is a room?

$159.

Really? That's a lot more than I usually spend here.

Try Expedia.  I can't beat any rate that you find online.

Before I try Expedia I look on the Hampton Inn web site.  Hampton is not showing a Hampton in this location even though I am standing in it (and using the free wifi) for my search.

But look. Here is another third party vendor showing the room at $126. That's more like it.  Website will not take my postal code. However, there is what used to be called a 1-800 number but now it's 1-888.

Dial.

Hold. Bad music.

Ok ma'am I have a room for you, before I take your credit card number let me just convert the total to Canadian funds, and of course there is a Canadian processing fee - which takes us to - $159.

Oh.  No thank you then.

I guess I should take the clerk's advice and look on Expedia.  Here it is - a room for $138.   Am typing as fast as I can on my phone trying to pretend those are not my children grabbing the free chocolate chip cookies in the lobby because there are only two rooms left.  Phew. Nabbed a room. With a king sized bed.  For the four of us.  I don't love them that much.  Expedia not going to work.

It is slowly dawning on me that the kids have abandoned the cookie platter and are now making themselves hot chocolates that I may have to pay full retail price for this sucker.

Then I remember.

I have one card left to play.

Sir? I ask the clerk hopefully.  Do you still have a room with two queens available?

Yes we do.

And the room is $159?

Yes it is.

Do you have a government rate?

Yes.  $133.

I work for a hospital in Quebec, and the hospitals are government owned, do you need to see my i.d. card?

No that's OK, I believe you plus if you don't get your children out of here they may start eating the wallpaper.

Thank you so much.  Have a lovely evening.

The Back Story

Driving home from Toronto with 3 kids and no Husband.

Snowy.

Icy.

No visibility.

Down to One Lane.

Stop for Extra Large Two Milk Two Sugar and see multiple tow trucks lying in wait for their prey coincidentally all having coffee on the 401.

Four hours later we are still one hour from Kingston.

(In other words, this is taking twice as long as it should).

Slippery roads, 18 wheeler, our car ends up in the middle ditch.

Oh poor you, sounds like a nightmare.

No it was actually OK.  Kids fine. I'm fine.  Everyone breathing multiple sighs of relief.

Hampton Inn, Wal-Mart for bathing suits, dinner out.

Ouch. Unexpected budget hit.

No it was actually all very reasonable. Plus we were a bit giddy.

Kids hyper, didn't get to sleep till after midnight.

Ugh, totally exhausting.

Ended up fine, we all slept in, took a mental health day.

Um, Amy, we are all here for complaints.  Sounds like everything went, er, swimmingly.

Not everything.

Go ahead, we are listening.

(Prepare yourselves this is going to get ugly.)

Well I got to talking to two lovely ladies in the hotel lobby.  Turns out they were in town on business.

They work for the government.  They investigate complaints.  Police Complaints.

Awesome!  What a coincidence!

Not really.

Can you believe after all that I didn't have my book with me?

Moral of the Story: There used to be an old saying about wearing clean underwear in case of a car accident but I think they meant wear clean underwear and pack extra purple books.

Bucket List (In Links)

Things I Crossed Off My Bucket List in 2013

1. Wrote Book
2. Candlelight dinner for one
3. Smaller than the Mall of America, but still worth a  detour
4. Oh What Fun, It Is To Ride
5. Hi Amy, It's Mits
6. Chenoy's Smoked Meat Poutine


Things I Keep Crossing Off My Bucket List But They Do Not Appear to Be Taking The Hint

1. The Walk
2. November
3. Rome
4. 1.64 kg of Sunflower Seeds?


Applicants for 2014 Bucket List

1. Under-rated Quebec tourist location
2. Still Looking for Literary Agent
3. On Second Thought, More of a 2015

And You Must Be the Muslim Guy Who Likes the Easter Bunny

Family breakfast at the High School.

Gymnasium filled with festive parents, teenage children, pancakes, santa hats and hot coffee.

G's friend walks in with parents and sit at table next to us.

Lukewarm greetings exchanged.

It's 7:33am and kids are eating dessert the orange ice cream wasn't half bad which was clearly inappropriate and I absolutely did not put a mini candy cane in my purse for later.

Mom of G's friend taps me on the shoulder.

I'm so sorry that I didn't say hi to you more enthusiastically before. I have a very hard time recognizing faces, and I didn't realize that I knew you at first. My husband just told me you were G's mom, and I was like OMG I should have been way friendlier.

You have trouble recognizing faces? That's fascinating.

Oh, I guess you didn't hear. I had a traumatic brain injury three years ago.  Broke bones, suffered greatly, spare you the details.

Wow. That is amazing.  You look fabulous.  And the deficit you are left with is a lack of facial recognition?  Good for you.

Well actually I have many other deficits. I have trouble with short term memory for example.

Anyway, nice to see you again and I'll let you get back to your fruit salad.

Daughter T jumps up and tells me she would like more whipped cream on her hot chocolate she would like some more flax seed toast.

Lady looks at T and says.

Wait a minute I remember you.  You guys were at the school craft fair last year.  You bought a lot of stocking stuffers.

Yup, that's us! We were totally at the craft fair last year! We had a blast!

And you're Jewish.  I remember you perfectly!  You're the Jews that like Christmas!

Things Left Unsaid:

1. Yes. We are the only Jews that like Christmas.

2. You are welcome. Without Jews, there would be no Christmas.

3. Let me get this straight. You have a facial recognition issue, short term memory loss, yet you not only remember us but remember that we circumcise our boys when they are eight days old and eat unleavened bread for a coupla days in April? That's some kind of rehabilitation centre you went to.

4. We love Christmas and we also love bacon. You going to finish that?

Blogged for Someone Else Today

For L who asked me for the recipe

See? You Can't Suck and Blow At The Same Time After All

Watching Say Yes to the Dress with my homies and on comes a commercial for markers that attach to as battery powered blower.  On TV this produces an airbrushing effect.

When piled in my basement on top of a Barbie dream house but under Pixar Monopoly it just contributes to global warming.

You think you have A Story, says H.  Listen to what happened to me.

Saw these blowy markers on TV.

Had To Have Them.

Battery powered airbrush worked perfectly.

Markers sucked.

Company name and number on side of box.

We are so sorry to hear this ma'am, we will send you new markers right away.

Three days later new markers arrive.

Battery powered airbrush still worked perfectly.

New markers dried out even faster than original pack.

Possible Complaint Lessons:

1.  When markers show you who they are the first time believe  them.

2.  Great customer service is not a substitute for poor product quality.

3.  People who watch bridal dress shows should stick to their knitting because we are obviously not great at picking toys.

4. Who needs airbrushing when you have a Rainbow Loom