Meanwhile, At the Honda Dealership

Bring my car in for side air bag recall, trunk latch not working and roof rack caps which keep  hitting the roof on my underground parking at work mysteriously popping off.

Lady in front of me looks at Service Guy: "The clock in my VCR isn't working".

Things Going Through My Head:
1. Fabulous. More people with Alzheimer's.
2. How sad is that. Lady obviously lives alone, has no one to turn to, and has to bring her appliances to car dealership to be fixed.
3. If Lady unplugged her VCR to bring it here, then of course when they plug it back in, the 12:00 will be flashing. I will have to wait all day.
4. I didn't know VCRs were still legal.

Service Guy very patiently responds with "OK, Show me."

Lady walks outside.

Service Guy follows.

I follow too. (What? Suspense was killing me).

Lady opens the door to her car. It's a CR-V.

Complaint About Physician Complaints

R was born with orthopaedic problems that surface on and off over the years.

Things escalating.

Goes to see physician who looks at X-ray and declares:

1. You are not a good candidate for corrective surgery

2. You have the body of an 83 year old woman (R is 50+ years younger)

3. Your life will be very hard.

R and her family are very hurt. They are angry. They believe physician should lose her right to practice medicine.

So far, we can all agree that:

1. Physician has a big mouth

2. R and family deserve an apology

R goes to see 3 or 4 more specialists who all say original physician was wrong. R is a great candidate for corrective surgery.  There is no reason for her life to be hard. And they mention nothing about 83 year old women.

Possible explanations for what happened:

1. Physician was looking at the wrong X-ray

2. Physician looks for certain criteria for the corrective surgery that she did not see in R

3. Physician has a legit clinical opinion that differs from the other specialists
4. Physician is stupid

5. Physician made a mistake

Any of these explanations are plausible.  In any of the above cases, I think R and family deserve a kind, handwritten apology. 

Often, families who have received incorrect medical advice are angry. They want people to lose their jobs, lose their licenses and be escorted out in hand-cuffs carrying a cardboard box of belongings. 

However, I urge you all to recognize that there are a multitude of reasons why inaccurate information is given at a medical appointment.  If something happens that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, it warrants additional investigation.

In this case, I would love to see an investigation determine:

1. If the physician has made this kind of mistake before

2. If the X-ray is mislabeled or there was another quality problem that needs correcting

3. If physician has a track record of poor communication skills 

Reporting the physician could have the following possible positive outcomes:

1. Physician should be told that her clinical decision turned out to differ greatly from all other specialists consulted, and that she needs to brush up on her research

2. Physician should be asked to apologize, in writing, to R and her family

3. Following complaint receipt, physician may think twice about telling otherwise healthy young women their lives will be hard

4. Family will accept apology and stop fantasizing about legal trial with Marisa Tomei playing star witness

I am so sorry that in addition to suffering through orthopaedic issues and associated surgeries, R and clients like her have to put up with stupid and insensitive remarks from medical professionals.

I am also sorry that medical professionals are not easily forgiven for making stupid and insensitive remarks.

And If We Wouldn't've Promised Them 100 Virgins They Would've Thought Twice Too

L's husband insisting that she accompany him on overnight trip to fancy gala event.

L is all for black tie and silver shoes but has newborn baby.

Husband points out that with every newborn baby comes a battery operated breast pump.

Your mother can watch the baby, he argues reasonably.  We will be gone less than 24 hours.

(nothing worse than a reasonable husband when you want to pitch a fit)

L throws her sequined top and flowy pants into a tote bag. Realizes she has no choice but to also pack breast pump, case, tubes and emergency battery pack.

En route to the airport.

No longer worried about how newborn baby will survive without her. Now worrying exclusively about whether breast paraphenalia will get through airport security.

Sweating profusely.

Airport security taking a long time with her tote bag.  X-raying it back, forth.

Guard beckons L over.

See? L hisses at her husband.  I knew this was going to be a disaster. How am I going to survive without the breast pump? I never should've agreed to come with you.

L walks up to Guard and before he can open his mouth she says:

I know. I'm sorry. I told my husband the baby was too young to be left alone at home, defenseless with my mother. But he insisted that I come with him on this overnight trip to a fancy gala event.  So, you understand why I had to bring the breast pump? And yeah, it probably looks very scary under your x-ray, but the truth is, it's mostly plastic. I just really had no choice, because if I don't pump I get well you know uh engorged and then how much fun will I be at the gala?

Uh, Ma'am?

Yes?

L looks over and realizes Guard is holding her can of hair mousse in his hand.

I'm sorry Ma'am, but this is over 100ml. 

Possible Complaint Tie-Ins

1. Had L's husband not insisted she give him a fun night out of town this whole thing never would have happened
2. Had L's baby had the decency to be born a few months earlier, she would have been on solid food by the time the gala came around
3. The Guard could have at least faked concern regarding breast pump just to make L look good
4. If Osama Bin Laden needed hair mousse when he went carry on maybe he would have thought twice about this whole project

Overheard At The Manicurist

Skyfall:  Would your rather be a mother or a wife?

A Petal for Your Thoughts: Oh my g-d that is like just so true.  

Lessons Learned

1. We must all go out and burn our bras immediately

2. It is completely none of my business what people are saying at the manicurist, they are probably both nuclear physicists 

3. Apparently being a mother and a wife are mutually exclusive

4. Careers are like so last year

5. There are nail polish colours named for James Bond movies

6. I had time to get a manicure last week

Physician, Heal Thy-

Cell phone bill includes charges for texts to Czech Republic.

Closer examination shows a variety of miscellaneous and unexplainable charges.

Husband heroically sits on hold for four hundred hours close to 78 minutes.

Finally gets through to service desk.

Service desk person listens to tale of woe.

I need to connect you to the Loyalty Department, Sir.

Yes. Please go ahead.

But I can't.

And why is that?

Because Sir. I can't forward any calls.  My phone isn't working.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Mine neither.

Complaint About the Dentist

Hate going to the dentist (sorry, J).

Yesterday the big day.

Brought copies of my book to take the edge off to distribute as gifts.

Gave one to the hygienist.

Gave one to the receptionist.

Asked them if I can take their picture holding the book.

Posed them next to dental equipment and asked them to look dental (dentally?)

Framed the picture just right, and -

dropped phone on the floor.

Screen black.

Tried everything.

Screen still black.

By the time my teeth are clean and I get to the receptionist to schedule my next appointment, I have mentally sat in traffic for 47 minutes, circled for 13 minutes to get a parking spot in front of the Apple store, parked eight blocks away in the snow and am sweating in the store waiting for service.  Have also convinced myself that work is on fire, my children are frantically texting me and my husband's phone is also broken so there is no way to reach either of us.

Receptionist reaches across the counter, smiling gently.

I hand her the phone.

Have you tried this? she says, pushing the on button.

No wonder I hate going to the dentist.