Check into correct hotel.
Attend conference.
Check out at Front Desk and ask for hotel shuttle back to Airport shuttle terminal so that I can take the bus back to the airport using my prepaid ticket. Remember? From Part One?
I'm sorry, our shuttle doesn't go to the airport bus terminal.
Huh?
Our shuttle only goes in a 5 mile radius. The airport shuttle terminal is more than 5 miles away. But I have an idea for you.
OK?
There's a hotel down the street? The Holiday Inn? They also have a shuttle, it's bright green? They drive to the Airport shuttle terminal. So our van guy can drive you to them, and then you can just ask them to take you the Airport shuttle terminal.
Isn't that what got me into this mess in the first place?
Complaint Lessons Learned:
1. You may think the hotel is confused when they tell you they don't have an airport shuttle but in fact you may be calling the wrong hotel
2. You may not be happy waiting for a van pick up but in fact you may not even be staying at this hotel so the van driver owes you nothing
3. You may be relieved to finally check into the correct hotel but in fact you may not have a lift back to the shuttle
4. Holiday Inn has such amazing customer service that even rival hotels are sending me to them
Tuesday, 22 November 2016
Monday, 21 November 2016
It's All About The Journey: Part Four
Wait a minute. Maybe you're staying at the Hilton:
Yup. You are staying at the Hilton.
Wow, That's Flaky, even for me.
Don't feel bad, Hon. People do this all the time. Would you like a bottle of water?
Yes.To pour on my head so I wake up.
We will get Mike (the van driver) to take you over to the other hotel.
Oh great. I didn't even tip the guy, now, he's going to have to take me from the hotel I'm not even staying at.
Can I please get some change?
- It's less than a mile up the road
- It also starts with H
- It's also on a street that starts with A
- Both have a bright green logo.
Yup. You are staying at the Hilton.
Wow, That's Flaky, even for me.
Don't feel bad, Hon. People do this all the time. Would you like a bottle of water?
Yes.
We will get Mike (the van driver) to take you over to the other hotel.
Oh great. I didn't even tip the guy, now, he's going to have to take me from the hotel I'm not even staying at.
Can I please get some change?
Sunday, 20 November 2016
It's All About The Journey: Part Three
Are you sure you're staying at the Holiday Inn?
Yes. I'm here for a conference.
Oh, the Liver Conference?
(What's a Liver Conference? Never mind, I don't want to know.)
No. The Crimebake. It's a mystery writer thing.
That's not at this hotel.
Questions Running Through My Mind:
1. Do I have the wrong weekend?
2. Do I have the wrong city?
3. How will I write this up for the blog?
Yes. I'm here for a conference.
Oh, the Liver Conference?
(What's a Liver Conference? Never mind, I don't want to know.)
No. The Crimebake. It's a mystery writer thing.
That's not at this hotel.
Questions Running Through My Mind:
1. Do I have the wrong weekend?
2. Do I have the wrong city?
3. How will I write this up for the blog?
Saturday, 19 November 2016
It's About the Journey Part Two
Hi it's Mark.
Are you the van driver? I don't see you.
Yeah, I was across the street waiting to see the bus. Guess I missed it.
Ok, because I think you told the hotel you were here waiting for me, and I was like am I in the right place? I don't see this guy anywhere.
Oh ha ha. Yeah, I meant I was across the street. I'm coming to get you now.
Lovely conversation about labour issues in workplace that I would share with you but was sworn to secrecy under the Hotel Van Non-Airport Shuttle Code of Conduct.
Maybe I will have to give him a tiny tip. Scrounge for change and come up empty.
Get to hotel.
I'm sorry we don't see your reservation here.
That CAN NOT be possible. I booked it months ago.
Fish, you said?
Yes.
Could it be under another name?
(Like whose? Make me an offer)
Scrolling through phone and of course have several hotel reservation emails from past travels but not this one.
Are you sure it's not Evan Fish?
Yes. I may not be able to see an invisible van driver but I definitely know my own name.
I'm sorry Ma'am. We have no reservation for you at this hotel.
You're kidding.
Hmmmm. Now what?
Are you the van driver? I don't see you.
Yeah, I was across the street waiting to see the bus. Guess I missed it.
Ok, because I think you told the hotel you were here waiting for me, and I was like am I in the right place? I don't see this guy anywhere.
Oh ha ha. Yeah, I meant I was across the street. I'm coming to get you now.
Lovely conversation about labour issues in workplace that I would share with you but was sworn to secrecy under the Hotel Van Non-Airport Shuttle Code of Conduct.
Maybe I will have to give him a tiny tip. Scrounge for change and come up empty.
Get to hotel.
I'm sorry we don't see your reservation here.
That CAN NOT be possible. I booked it months ago.
Fish, you said?
Yes.
Could it be under another name?
(
Scrolling through phone and of course have several hotel reservation emails from past travels but not this one.
Are you sure it's not Evan Fish?
Yes. I may not be able to see an invisible van driver but I definitely know my own name.
I'm sorry Ma'am. We have no reservation for you at this hotel.
You're kidding.
Hmmmm. Now what?
Friday, 18 November 2016
It's About the Journey Part One
Hotel Reception, Can I help you?
Yes, Hello. Do you have a shuttle from the airport?
No I'm sorry Ma'am.
Check hotel website again.
Complimentary shuttle.
Call back hotel and ask to speak to someone who is actually standing in a actual hotel.
Yes, we have a complimentary shuttle but not all the way to the airport. When you get out the airport doors, take shuttle to bus terminal and our shuttle will pick you up from the bus terminal. Call us when you get on the bus.
Hi I'm on the bus.
Great. Shuttle will be there in 20 minutes.
Announcement over Bus PA System: Airport express bus tickets are bought when you leave the bus. Save $2 by buying return ticket.
Buy return ticket to save $2. (This is foreshadowing so please remember this nugget for later).
Disembark and look for bright green van.
Not there.
(Wait 20 minutes at bus terminal)
I was feeling guilty about not having American money to tip this guy but with every minute that I stand on the interstate waiting for him, my guilt abates about twenty five cents.
Hi. I called earlier about anairport bus terminal shuttle? I'm at the bus terminal and I don't see the driver.
Let me check.
(music)
He says he's there Ma'am.
Um, ok. I really don't see him.
I'm not sure what to say, Ma'am.
Walk around bus terminal which is smaller than my first apartment.
No bright green van.
Is there any way I can get his phone number?
Sure. (gives me phone number)
Call.
Voicemail.
Call.
Voicemail.
Hmmm. Now what?
Yes, Hello. Do you have a shuttle from the airport?
No I'm sorry Ma'am.
Check hotel website again.
Complimentary shuttle.
Call back hotel and ask to speak to someone who is actually standing in a actual hotel.
Yes, we have a complimentary shuttle but not all the way to the airport. When you get out the airport doors, take shuttle to bus terminal and our shuttle will pick you up from the bus terminal. Call us when you get on the bus.
Hi I'm on the bus.
Great. Shuttle will be there in 20 minutes.
Announcement over Bus PA System: Airport express bus tickets are bought when you leave the bus. Save $2 by buying return ticket.
Buy return ticket to save $2. (This is foreshadowing so please remember this nugget for later).
Disembark and look for bright green van.
Not there.
(Wait 20 minutes at bus terminal)
I was feeling guilty about not having American money to tip this guy but with every minute that I stand on the interstate waiting for him, my guilt abates about twenty five cents.
Hi. I called earlier about an
Let me check.
(music)
He says he's there Ma'am.
Um, ok. I really don't see him.
I'm not sure what to say, Ma'am.
Walk around bus terminal which is smaller than my first apartment.
No bright green van.
Is there any way I can get his phone number?
Sure. (gives me phone number)
Call.
Voicemail.
Call.
Voicemail.
Hmmm. Now what?
Thursday, 10 November 2016
Seven Things You Should Know Before Moving to Canada
1. We don't have hulu. At all. We don't have a Canadian version of it. Oh, That's OK, you're thinking. I will just watch my favourite shows on nbc.com or hbo on demand. Not so fast, cupcake. We don't have those either. Even if they are already loaded on your phone/iPad/blackberry tablet, once you cross the border none of those will work. Don't worry though. If you bang your head against the wall in frustration? Your medical care will be covered.
2. We don't have free refills on soda and coffee. We have them sometimes and in some places, but they aren't ubiquitous. So, like if you go out for pizza, the server may not be appear at your elbow every seven seconds offering to get you some more of that Slice. (Because we don't have Slice either.)
3. Books are more expensive. There is no reason for this. We do not read less, or upside down or inside our igloos. All books, including e-books, cookbooks and used books cost at least 10% more in Canada. Don't worry though, we have libraries. And if you can clear the snow off your car to get to them, I'm sure they're lovely.
4. We have one NBA team and it's in Toronto. Canadians may not necessarily know what March Madness is, much less be prepared to discuss it, bet on it andwatch it on hulu. (See? I just mentioned NBA and College ball mixed together! Clearly confused about the finer points.)
5. Hockey, on the other hand, is not a joke up here.
6. We do not have an NFL team. See #5.
7. There is no such thing a Senior Prom or a Homecoming Dance in Canada. If you are in High School, (or you have kids in High School) and you dream of one day pinning a corsage to someone's lapel and posing under a white trellis (or whatever it is Americans do at these things) you may be disappointed. Sure, some schools have dances. Some even have formal dances (where everyone breaks out the "good flannel" just kidding). But Homecoming in the Fall and Prom in the Spring with all the fancy prom-posals and powder blue tuxedos? That's pure apple pie. Oh don't worry, we do have apple pie.
2. We don't have free refills on soda and coffee. We have them sometimes and in some places, but they aren't ubiquitous. So, like if you go out for pizza, the server may not be appear at your elbow every seven seconds offering to get you some more of that Slice. (Because we don't have Slice either.)
3. Books are more expensive. There is no reason for this. We do not read less, or upside down or inside our igloos. All books, including e-books, cookbooks and used books cost at least 10% more in Canada. Don't worry though, we have libraries. And if you can clear the snow off your car to get to them, I'm sure they're lovely.
4. We have one NBA team and it's in Toronto. Canadians may not necessarily know what March Madness is, much less be prepared to discuss it, bet on it and
5. Hockey, on the other hand, is not a joke up here.
6. We do not have an NFL team. See #5.
7. There is no such thing a Senior Prom or a Homecoming Dance in Canada. If you are in High School, (or you have kids in High School) and you dream of one day pinning a corsage to someone's lapel and posing under a white trellis (or whatever it is Americans do at these things) you may be disappointed. Sure, some schools have dances. Some even have formal dances (where everyone breaks out the "good flannel" just kidding). But Homecoming in the Fall and Prom in the Spring with all the fancy prom-posals and powder blue tuxedos? That's pure apple pie. Oh don't worry, we do have apple pie.
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