The Vanity in the Master Now Opens and Closes Without a Peep

Houseguest came for dinner and stayed 8 days.

Washed, dried and put away breakfast dishes.

Cooked Bananas Foster and almost managed an actual flambé.

Finished the peanut butter and replaced it before we even noticed.

Oh and by the way, a repair guy came in to fix something in your bathroom.

?

He wasn't sure which bathroom, so I brought him to all of them and then he realized what he was here to fix.

?

Mr. Houseguest.  We appreciate your company greatly.  And by far, the best jerk tofu I have ever tasted.

Unloading the dishwasher was much appreciated.

And the hair clip you brought was so thoughtful.

But please do not let strange repair men into my house without my permission.

We were very lucky that this turned out to be an actual repair person.  We were lucky that he knew what to fix, and how to fix it.

But opening the door to strangers is a risk.

Please do not take that risk in my house.

If I wanted you to open the door and let people in, I would let you know.

In fact, do you mind getting up early tomorrow morning?  The drain in the downstairs sink is leaking.

The plumber should be here by 8am.

And I hear he loves his latte flambéd.

Get Over Yourself Mister Banana Bread

Good friend of mine gave birth way too early.

Kid in NICU, surgery, very scary.

What can I bring you?

Rice krispie squares with chopped up Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  Chop the cups, put them in the freezer so that they don't melt immediately.  Make rice krispies on stove and stir in frozen cups at the last minute.

Dropped them off at her house.

How did you know I like Rice krispies with Chopped Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?

(Lucky guess)

She didn't remember a thing.

Had she been on her game, it would have been:

What can I bring you?

Nothing.

Which would have led me to the only possible solution:

Banana Bread.

Not sure why Banana Bread has become the universal symbol of I'm thinking of you. 

Tastes good, but not too festive.

Solid, filling, sort of healthy.

Requires just enough effort so you feel you have done something.

Easy to wrap, drop off.

Can throw it in the freezer.

Not to disparage Banana Bread but when you have enough to re-brick your house, you kind of wish someone dropped off toilet paper and laundry detergent.

You may also want coffee, milk, lunch.  Something to distract your kids.  Your dry cleaning picked up.  Your lawn mowed.

This does not apply to me, you are  thinking. 

My Banana Bread is the best.  I use Coconut, Chocolate Chips, Maraschino Cherries extra Bananas.  

I am sure you are right.

I am sure your Banana Bread is the best.

And we all appreciate it.

But before you drop it off, think about what else you can do to help.

You may end up chopping Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  Putting them in your freezer.  

Good Thing She Didn't Work for the Mossad

7 year old daughter T. went to a friend's house last week.

Husband supposed to pick her up.

I may have forgotten to mention when and where.

May also have possibly skipped town with this critical information.

Husband knew kid's mother's name only.

Unlisted.

Called friend with this dilemma.

Friend said: Name sounds familiar.

I think she is a Real Estate Agent.

Let's drive around and find a sign with her name and phone number on it.

Problem solved.

Complaint Tie-In:  See? This is why I never learn my lesson.