Monday, 14 August 2017

No Such Thing As A

12 year old daughter T has complicated lunchbox needs for the following reasons:
  1. She does not like sandwiches
  2. She does not like roll-ups, tacos or anything else masquerading as a sandwich
  3. She was on the Green Committee and now only uses re-usable containers
  4. She really hates cooking and would rather take out the garbage than help me in the kitchen
  5. Every meal must feature ketchup (except for organic salami which calls for mustard)
This is further intensified by the fact that she leads an insanely active lifestyle which means:
  1. She technically should be having 2-4 different vegetables at each meal
  2. She will only eat veggies raw, and no mixing of species allowed
  3. Packaged foods are laughably out of the question
  4. She needs to pack a lot of snacks to keep fueling up properly
  5. Her meals have to be kept at the correct temperature as she moves through her day
Which has led me to do the following:
  1. Peruse Pinterest for healthy snack ideas
  2. Order an organic local farmer vegetable box in addition to Costco and fruit store shopping
  3. Bake blueberry muffins at 6am
  4. Buy many miniature ice packs
  5. Continue a fruitless (haha) search for the world's largest lunchbox that is also not embarrassing

As an example, this is what we packed yesterday:
  1. Two roasted chicken legs and rice
  2. Ketchup
  3. Cucumbers
  4. Peapods
  5. Pre-cut grapefruit
  6. Cheese triangles (2)
  7. Blueberry muffin 
That was all background information for you.

Now, please join me in my car yesterday as we drop T off at a full day of basketball camp. Today they will be doing drills. For eight hours.

We say goodbye, wish her a great day.

Drive three minutes to work.

Swipe card at underground parking.

Pull into spot.

It is 8:57am.

Phone rings.

Hey, Mom?

Yes, sweetie? You ok?

I. I, forgot my lunch at home.

Things That Crossed My Mind
  1. Establishing complex and non-negotiable lunch requirements and putting lunch in gym bag are two different skill sets.
  2. Less of my time needs to be spent procuring and preparing lunch, and more time needs to be spent on reviewing options for shipping and delivery.
  3. Cultivating a lifelong disdain for McDonald's in all my children was probably not a great tactical move, as there is one across the street from basketball camp and they have unlimited ketchup. Factory stuffed chickens be damned.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Home Alone + Castaway = Sophie's Choice

Chapter One: Home Alone

Click on Estimate Fare to determine if ubering to the airport makes sense.


Wait. Husband says. Maybe we should Park N Fly.

We should Park N Fly?

Yes. Wait. No.

Oh. Changed his mind.



But we are five people and Now no uberxl's available.


1. Leave one of the kids at home (like in the movie Home Alone)

2. Take a regular cab

Chapter Two: Castaway

Call regular cab company and request minivan at no extra charge.

Cab comes.

Minuscule hatchback in the shape of a minivan, but the size of large watermelon.

Driver says. Well I can fit five of you without your bags.


1. Leave the bags at home (like Tom Hanks lost his luggage in Castaway)

2. Call back for actual minivan

Chapter Three: Sophie's Choice

1. When travelling with your family, not only might you be without airplane seats (story here) but you may have to leave a kid behind (How do you choose which kid to leave at home?)

2. If you decide to bring all your kids, you may not be able to bring all your bags (See? Another impossible choice)

3. If you would like seats, kids and bags, you may have to be up before 5:53am to confirm transportation to the airport (irrelevant, but just saying)

Moral of The Story

If Meryl Streep's tragedy has taught us anything, it's that despite all the complaints about minor annoyances of travel, as long as you all get there safely and return safely, none of these small inconveniences are really important.