Saturday, 28 May 2016

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Husband biking a mountainous 80km tomorrow so deserves nice dinner with lots of carbs.

Other dinner guests also could use comfort food at this moment.

Call Very Reliable Italian Restaurant and take-out place with the burgundy awning that I have never done business with, but that everyone raves about. 

Woman On Phone exceedingly patient with me as we review menu items that need to be ordered in advance and are therefore unavailable to me eight hours before I need them, menu items that are mispriced, and those that are only available for large catering jobs.

Finally settle on a Vegetarian Lasagna for 20 (we are 12, but hungry), a side dish and two fancy desserts.

Will not deliver for less than $250. We will need your credit card number to process the order. Oh, and Lasagna will not be hot when you pick it up, says Phone. 

Sure - blah blah, expiry, blah blah code on back. And no problem, I can reheat it. How long will that take?

An hour and a half. It's not a reheat. We assemble it, and you will have to cook it at home. We will have it ready at 5 o'clock.

Lasagna will be ready at 5. Guests coming at 6:30. With a longer than usual drinks period, this will work out exactly.

At 5pm I am walking out of my office and getting into my car.

At 5:40pm there is absolutely no parking anywhere near the restaurant.

Call to ask if anyone can bring it out to my car while I double park.


Is the order ready and waiting?

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

So I can just run in and it will be there?

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

Call boys at home and ask them to preheat the oven so that will waste no time getting that lasagna a-cookin'. 

17 year old son B says Mom you are being ridiculous. Why don't you just order pizza, it's Dad's favourite food anyway, and forget about the Lasagna.

I can't just forget about the Lasagna! I already paid for it! (possibly may have wailed) And I couldn't find a spot to pull over on Sherbrooke and Draper  in front of the restaurant. Now I'm like 10 blocks away! 

Mom, B says gently, easing me into a straitjacket, you can freeze the Lasagna. Why don't I take care of ordering the pizza, you pick up T from school, and we can have the Lasagna next Friday.

Oh that's so smart. Ok, ya, that's what I'll do. Thank you for saving the day.

Get T from school and pull over across the street in bus lane.

T goes in to get order and says, Mom what if they gave away the order what do I do.

There's no way they gave away our order, I paid for it.

30 seconds later T is on the curb saying They gave away our order.

Call Very Reliable.

Yes sorry we gave away your order by mistake. I can give you a meat lasagna.

(OH perfect. So the vegetarians will eat meat tonight because you gave away my paid for order.)

That's not going to work.

Look, I'm sorry for the mix up.  I can give you two 6-person lasagnas for the same price as you were paying.

Why would I take 12 servings for the same price as the 20 person I ordered and paid for?

Look ma'am I'm really sorry. This isn't my fault. Alright fine, I will give you three 6 person lasagnas.

Um, then I will still be short. No thank you. I will still take the side dish and desserts.


Complaint Lessons Learned:

1. Math skills essential in Vegetarian Lasagna serving computation
2. Very often when someone says This Isn't My Fault, it's completely their fault
3. 17 year old boys are good at ordering pizza
4. Cookies and ice cream picked up from 24 hour convenience store weren't half bad. Maybe should have tried their lasagna.