Saturday, 30 November 2013

Day Thirty (Woo-Hoo!)

Today is my cousin David's birthday.

The key things to know about David are:

1. When he was a teenager his wallpaper was the map of the world and my sister and I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

2. He has always had the most amazing record collection and makes a great mix tape

3. He has never, to my knowledge, met a tuna sandwich he didn't like

4. He lives in a town called Tedburn St. Mary in Devon, England, where there are only two pubs, and the one you choose to drink at defines you - sort of like the Bloods and the Crips.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID AND MANY MORE!! 


Q: So, Amy we have spent the entire month together and all you want to do is drone on and on about your boring cousins and their boring birthdays.  Who cares about wallpaper in Thornhill circa 1978?

A: You have a point. But on the other hand, if I didn't have cousins and they didn't have birthdays, I don't know that we could have made it through NaBloPoMo by the skin of our teeth with the facility and aplomb that we did.

Q: We want to know what your reflections are on this month of blogging.  Because we read them all, and to tell you the truth, they weren't all funny.

A: First of all thank you for reading them all. Your loyalty means the world to me.  I have a few reflections. Mainly, I am relieved that it's over, it was a lot of pressure.  Second, while it was a fun challenge and I'm happy I accomplished it, I am not sure that from a quality point of you there was anything great. I sort of feel like its the same number of good ones that we always see with an above average amount of blah blah blah below average material.

Q: I sent you some ideas and you didn't write about them
A: Thank you - really, I need all the help I can get.  Your stories are coming soon, don't worry.

Q:What is next for you, Amy?
A: I have big, big plans. La Petite Vie DVD Boxed Set.  Canada Reads finalists reading list.  And of course, I am sure a cousin somewhere will have a birthday I will have to attend.

Friday, 29 November 2013

Day Twenty Nine

Things that did not happen at this year's family gift exchange:

1.  No one started eating their gift immediately

2.  No one ran out of the room crying

3.  No one hid their gift so that it couldn't be stolen in the gift exchange auction

4.  No one tried to pass off a box of chocolates past its expiry date

5.  No one visibly re-gifted

All in all a huge success.

Hope all your holidays are equally happy and bright.

Also:

My Holiday Stats:

1. Candle time is over

2.  We are 29/30 for NaBloPoMo

3.  3/8 for Hannukah

4.  I am working Christmas week

Thursday, 28 November 2013

Day Twenty Eight

First night of Hannukah gave each kid a pair of ultra insulated gloves.

(Multi-tasking)

12 year old G walks out the door on this freezing morning.

Hands bare.

Where are your gloves?

Gestures to backpack.

Oh good.

Your textbooks will be warm and toasty.

Wonder what the math workbook will do with the socks I am giving him tonight.

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Day Twenty Seven

New York City, 2004.

I have two boys, 5 and 3.

Take them to the Toys R Us in Times Square.  It has a Ferris wheel.

Guys, you can each choose one toy, anything you want in the whole store.

Husband looks at me like I need a lobotomy with love and sunshine in his heart and says what the f did you just do oh sweetie you are so generous and kind.

Don't worry I reassure him.

Watch this.

One kid took a Spider-Man keychain.

The other a pack of Pokemon cards.

No one asked for the giant stuffed gorilla or the Star Wars Lego extravaganza.

How did I know it would work?

Because I think the vast majority of the time it's the little things that make us the happiest.

So, on this eve of Hannukah and Thanksgiving, let's remember to appreciate all the small things that give us the greatest happiness.

(Plus, as my grandma used to say, the smallest blue boxes contain the best gifts.)

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Day Twenty Six

You know that thing about how after you meet someone you see them everywhere? Or after you hear about a restaurant suddenly everyone's eating there?

Phone rings again yesterday.

Hello, Amy.

Yes.

I was at your talk Tuesday night.

(Who wasn't)

When I walked out, Shirley told me Who You Were.  I shouldn't admit this, I'm so old fashioned, it didn't occur to me that Fish was your maiden name.

(What's a maiden name?)

Anyway, I must tell you that my ex-husband usd to be business partners with blah blah who went to law school with your father.  It was such a coincidence, I just had to call!

Uh-huh.

And your mother used to go out with blah blah blah when she was sixteen?

Yeah that's true actually.

At that time, I was a friend of his brother.

Really? So you are practically my sister

Also, Your aunt is a contemporary of mine.  There are so many connections, I just had to call!

Yes I can see why you were compelled.  Tell me, by any chance did you recently enter a contest for free movie passes?



Monday, 25 November 2013

Day Twenty Five

Hi Amy I'm not sure if you remember me but I was at your talk last Tuesday night?

Yes?

I entered an online contest for free movie tickets and I couldn't-

Let me stop you right there Ma'am.  I am unable to help people with their individual complaints.  I sometimes speak to over 100 people in a week and I'm sure you understand -

I don't need your help with the complaint.  I need your help figuring out what to write, who to complain to and where to send it.

(Yes.  We can see where this is completely different than needing my help with the complaint.)

Let me understand this.  You found an online contest for movie tickets?

Yes.

And the contest is local, here in Montreal?

Yeah.

And you found out about my free talk on Tuesday night?

Well, yes.

You were able to figure out my office number so you knew where to call me?

It appears so, yes.

But when it came to complaining you were completely stumped.

Yes, I suppose I was.

Hmmm.

Somehow I have a feeling you can work this out too.

Sunday, 24 November 2013

Day Twenty Four

Today's my sisters birthday,
I wish her all the best.

We had a chance to celebrate this morning
Before I did my Hannukah shopping.

Yes this year was beyond last minute.
(Didn't even have a chance to pin it.)

I only went mildly over budget and I'm almost done
Plus I have an idea for the second to last one.

Also I went to Canadian tar-jay
It's fine but not as good as the USA.

Cooked supper in the crockpot
But completely forgot

To turn it on till four twenty nine
So tomorrow we will dine

On southwestern chicken tacos
I'll let you know how it goes.

So that's my stream of consciousness for tonight
Got to go do Candlelight

Oh that's right it's candle time
Perfect way to end this rhyme.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Day Twenty Three

Poll results are in.

The question was What Book Should I Write Next?

The answer you gave me was:

29 Tips for Dealing With Difficult People (14 votes)

Next came Jewish Family Puts Quebec on the Menu (13)

The next two: A Mystery Novel and Complaints Treated and Lessons Learned got a very sad 3 votes each, except that my sister, who didn't vote in the poll, gave me her vote at the hockey arena, and she voted for Complaints Treated so it slid into third place on a technicality.

I didn't commit to following your advice, as you may have noticed, I was just kind of curious what you guys were thinking.

Then I sort of wondered if the numbers would be reflective since some people voted twice (yes I'm looking at you) and the vast majority of you didn't vote at all.

Amazingly, the votes exactly mirrored what is happening on my computer.

I am six tips into the 29, so chances are high that that will be the next one off my production line.

The first essay of the Quebec series has already been accepted for publication (and yes of course I will post a link as soon as it's up) so that is sort of inching along.

And the other two are just ideas that I am marinating with.

How cool is it that the poll exactly reflected the reality of my work.

Now I know how eBay feels.

Friday, 22 November 2013

Day Twenty Two

Fifty years ago today, President Kennedy was shot, may he rest in peace.

My Mom loved Kennedy and considered Jackie O a personal friend.  And that John-John! She used to say.  The look on his face!

That didn't end well.  We all know that John-John also died tragically way too young, and poor Carolyn really didn't-

Oh my gosh, Amy, How Depressing Can You Be.  Dead President, Dead Son of President and your mother in one fell swoop.  Don't you have a cousin or something that has a birthday today?

Actually, I do.  Thank you so much for asking.

Today is my cousin Henry the Actor's birthday.  He lives in New York City.

Really? Have I seen him in anything?

That is a very stupid question (and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings).

Today's Complaint is about you.

Reasons Why This is a Stupid Question (and whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has not yet walked a mile in my shoes)

1. I have no idea what you have and haven't seen. How would I know if you have seen my cousin?

2. There is a huge theatre industry in New York City. All these shows are populated with working actors. Obviously, you don't know the names of all the actors in all the shows in all the theatres so there is no possible way you would know my cousin by name even if you had given his show a standing ovation even moments before.

3. Some people think that the only way to be a successful actor is either to be wildly famous or to be one of the twelve actors constantly on rotation through Law and Order re-runs.  I disagree. I think the way to be successful actor is to act.

The way to be an unsuccessful actor is to have dreams of being an actor but actually become an accountant.  (Now that's depressing).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY AND MANY MORE

Thursday, 21 November 2013

Day Twenty One

Today is my brother in law's birthday.

Do I have a huge family or all they all born in November?

Probably a bit of both.

My complaint today is that I am experiencing technical difficulties.

First I dropped my phone in the toilet at work in a very sanitary lake of Evian water.  I wiped it off and it appears unscathed but it has left my home charger at the altar.  Romance with car/work cable still going strong.

Home computer not recognizing home wi-fi.  Repeated attempts at re- booting and re-introduction not working.  Plus we'd rather watch Boardwalk Empire.

That's why the good lord invented the iPad.

Remember when holding the Internet in your hand seemed like a miracle?

Now the miracle is if you can go an evening without holding the Internet in your hand.

Hope to Christ (What? Didn't you read yesterday's blog? It's all about the son this week) I can post this thing and not drop my twenty one day streak.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE B AND THANK YOU FOR BEING SO AMAZING TO MY CHILDREN

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Day Twenty

Sales Guy comes to see my Husband (who is also a Sales Guy) to sell him something.

During Sales Guy small talk, SG says to Husband: Good friend of mine - we used to work together - was doing financial planning.

Transferred my entire portfolio to him.

Coupla weeks later, get letter from finance company.

Used to be charging you 1.6% management fee, effective immediately, fee is 1.87%

Steam was comin out my ears, Sales Guy says.

No sooner did I rip the envelope open, then my phone was ringin.  Financial planning friend on the blower.  No g-ddam way am I answerin that piece of scrap.  He shoulda told me what was up FIRST not after I got some g-dam letter.

Very long game of phone tag ensues, during which Sales is getting angrier and angrier.

Finally, Sales can't ignore his friend any longer.

Picks up the phone and I let him have it.

If you were going to increase my fee, you shoulda had the calls to tell me yourself.  Why do I gotta find out in the mail that YOU, MY FRIEND are making me bend -

Financial interrupts.  Why d'ya think I've been tryin to get in touch with you this whole time.  You got the letter by MISTAKE.  Secretary, nice set a cans, by the way, called in sick Tuesday.  Something about her cat pukin on the rug.  New girl, a little on the scrawny side, shows up, chewin her gum and actin like she owns the place. Sent out the 1.87 letters to the 1.6's.

Lemme get .this straight.  You were trying to call me to say the letter was a mistake. And I was  ignoring you completely.

Yup.

Huh.

Member the old office? There was that poster in the photocopy room, with the sand and the footprints?

Near the Irish Cream Creamer and the Dad's Cookies? Yeah, I know it.

Maybe Jesus was carrying me after all.  And I missed the whole thing, cause I didn't call him back.

Complaint Tie Ins:

1. Don't give your money to your friends to invest
2. Sick days are not for cats
3. Sometimes we jump to conclusions and we are wrong
4. Sometimes inspirational posters can actually be inspirational
5. Even people who don't necessarily believe in Jesus can sometimes be convinced



Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Day Nineteen

First of all, now that we have been together nineteen days I have to tell you that I have absolutely no instinct for what makes a blog post work.

I thought the mayor one was great, and really, I don't think most of you cared either way (shout out to my loyal commenter V who did voice a controversial opinion).

I thought the birthday thing was borderline boring and everyone else seemed thrilled

All that to say, I'm happy I asked you what you think of the book thing because I would hate to work my fingers to the bone spend a couple of mornings throwing a few things together and ultimately produce something that while brilliant from a literary perspective actually bored you to tears.

Although, I can't say with any certainty that I will follow your advice, here's where we stand so far.


BOOK TO WRITE NEXT?


Poll Complaints:

1. Close to 1000 views and 24 votes.  Someone put my picture on a window and call Olivia Pope.

2. The book that will require the most research and actual work appears to be leading

3. The book that I have actually started writing appears to be coming in second

4. I want to write them all and I just don't have time

5. It looks like I said I would leave it up for two more days so what the H

6. Some people have admitted to voting twice so I actually have less than 24 votes

7. I don't know what happened to this font but I don't have the patience to fix it

Monday, 18 November 2013

Day Eighteen

Today we jump on the soapbox and discuss Rob Ford, Toronto Mayor.

He was caught on video smoking crack.

Which he denied.

He was rip-roaring drunk at the time.

Which he admitted.

He was accused of cheating on his wife.

Who looks like a helpless victimized victim.

(Victimized victim?

You can do better than that Amy.

Hey, cut me a break, it's Day 18).

This is setting a terrible example for our kids.

I agree.  A Mayor smoking crack, drinking excessively and eating Who Knows What - that is just terrible for our kids to see.

You see? You are setting a terrible example for the kids.

Me? I never even inhaled.

No. I don't mean by doing drugs or drinking.  I mean by vilifying this poor sick guy. By beating him when he is down.  By making fun of him mercilessly and publicly mocking him.  By showing him absolutely no compassion.

If your kid did that on the school bus, you would be called to the Vice Principal's office faster than you can say In School Suspension.

How can you possibly blame me? Everyone is laughing at this slob.  Late night guys. Radio hosts.  Even my barista got in on the act .  All I did was laugh at all of their jokes.

Exactly.

We took a look at this guy who clearly had made some completely idiotic, sick and irrational bad decisions and instead of throwing him a life raft, we threw him to the wolves.

Too bad.

I think he could have really used our help.

Sunday, 17 November 2013

Day Seventeen

A few weeks ago someone in my writers group said Oh You have Writers Block? I'm really jealous.  That means you are a real writer.

Complaints About This Statement:

1. Of all the things to be jealous about me, I am surprised that Writers Block is your first choice
2.  When I was trying blog posts and deleting them this aft, the last thing I felt like was a real writer
3.  Proof that you are a real writer to me is that you really write, not that you get blocked
4. I use the term writers group very loosely to describe a few people from a writing workshop I took who meet monthly at the library
5. I use the term my writers group even more loosely because I've only shown up twice in six months and neither time did I submit anything for review

Poll results coming tomorrow and I have to warn you they have taken a surprising turn.

Also today is my Aunt's  birthday and she had her daughter on her birthday which is cool because my Uncle's birthday is the same as his mother's birthday and well I think we covered the rest of the story yesterday...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTIE ARLENE AND ALI AND MANY MORE

Saturday, 16 November 2013

Day Sixteen

Today is my Dad's birthday.

It's also my cousin's birthday which we always thought was cool but come to think of it if you know more than 365 people, there are going to be birthday duplicates.

Also, on my mother's side, my grandmother was born on March 17, she had her son on March 17 and I had my daughter on March 17 so T is the third generation St. Patrick's Day baby in a family of Eastern European Jews.  (A little green beer will wash that gefilte fish right down.)

Since the NaBloPoMo people have not yet discovered the month of March I think I am OK telling you this story today.

I have only met one person who had the same birthday as me and it was at a party when I was a lifeguard at day camp.  I didn't believe him, so I made him take out his driver's license and show it to me.  I hear he is now an accountant.

When I was desperately shrieking at the doctors to take this baby out of me B was about to be born, the C section was scheduled for April 1 and my Husband worried about having a kid born on April Fool's Day. Turns out it was a perfect match between person and birthday.

And then when T was about to be born, her C section was scheduled for April 5, my middle son G's birthday and then the doctor said he doesn't deliver siblings on the same day as a matter of principle.  She ended up being born early on March 17 and this story has now come full circle.

Birthday Complaint:

1. People complain about sharing their birthdays with friends, siblings, parents and Christmas but a certain amount of coincidence is necessary just based on the limited number of days available in a year




HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY AND MANY MORE


Friday, 15 November 2013

Day Fifteen

The NaBloPoMo people, who invented the blog every day for the month of November project, encourage you to mix things up throughout the month.  If you always show photographs, post a video.

If video is your thing post a recipe.

Etc.

So in the spirit of co-operation, let's try a poll.

Look to your right.

But first.

I have to tell you that I informally validated the poll among a handful of friends, and they all voted the same way.

(Which I guess doesn't really validate the poll)


Thursday, 14 November 2013

Day Fourteen

Just got home from giving speech.

Had my first heckler.

Asked if this was some sort of a game.

Asked if I was wearing purple by coincidence.

Asked if we were just going to have to listen to my stories ALL night.

Asked why I couldn't just get to the point.

Left indignantly when I was mid sentence.

Reasons This Was Good News:

1.  32 years ago today I was called to the Torah as a Bat Mitzvah.  Celebrated the occasion with another rite of passage.

2.  Have limited experience handling disgruntled audience members and must build skill if want to continue to speak to wide range of audiences

3.  Gave audience something not related to crack or hijabs to talk about over coffee and pastries

4.  Hey, it's Day Fourteen. I would get run over by a bus if I thought that would generate decent content.



Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Day Thirteen

Husband bought new phone.

(I use the term phone loosely.  If an iPad and an elephant had a baby, it would be this phone.  It's huge.)

Screen froze.

Returned phone, got new one.

Screen froze.

Called provider back.

Just got second giant tablet computer you are passing off as a phone, screen froze.

I am so sorry to hear that sir.  We have been having problems with this hippopotamus-Escalade hybrid phone.  Let me put you on hold while I find someone who could help.

Hello, sir?  Your phone has a fourteen day replacement guarantee.  You bought it fifteen days ago. So there is absolutely nothing we can do.

Are you serious?

Yes sir. Fourteen days elapsed yesterday sir.  Today is the fifteenth day.  You are a day late sir.  Is there anything else we can help you with.

Husband said no thank you and called the guy who sold him the phone in the first place.  The guy who enrolled him in the plan that includes more than six different business numbers.

Guy said you have a fourteen day replacement guarantee that expired yesterday.  You are twelve hours too late.

But No Problem.  We can absolutely replace your jumbotron phone.

Our pleasure.

Possibilities:
1. Guy read yesterday's blog and was guilted into phone replacement
2. Phone companies completely inconsistent and unreliable
3. Small phones, small problems.  Big phones, big problems.


Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Day Twelve

N drives across border for weekend getaway.

Turns off data on phone to avoid unnecessary charges.

Returns from weekend getaway.

Turns data back on.

Three emails.

One from Phone Company saying Welcome to the US.

One from Phone Company saying Welcome Home from the US.

One from Phone Company saying you owe us $18.37 for the two e-mails you received while in the US.

N calls Phone Company.

1. My data was turned Off
2. The e-mails were from You
3. One of the e-mails was from when I crossed BACK into Canada, read it yourself

Phone Company says.

1. Thank you for calling Ma'am how may I help you today.
2. It says here you received two e-mails which used 600 MB of data so you owe us $18.37 Ma'am
3. I don't believe you that your data was turned off
4. No I can't think of any explanation as to why the only e-mails you were able to receive were from us
5. No I'm sorry there's nothing we can do about it.
6. Is there anything else I can help you with today.

N hangs up.

Calls Phone Company again.

Someone else answers the phone.

Re-explains absurdity of situation.  You sent me e-mails when my data was turned off, and then charged me for reading them a few days later when I was back in Canada with my data turned back ON.

Second Phone Company Person says.

1. Thank you for calling Ma'am how may I help you today.
2. I'm so sorry you are completely right.
3. I will cancel the charges immediately Ma'am.
4. Is there anything else I can help you with today.

Lessons Learned 
1. Phone companies are notoriously difficult to deal with and I am bringing you another example tomorrow
2. If something is ridiculously unfair you need to complain about it
3. If you aren't getting anywhere, feel free to hang up and try again. These call centres are huge and you might get lucky the second, third or fourth time
4. If you are NaBloPoMo'ing (blogging every day in November), you need a friend like N who gives the best story ideas

Monday, 11 November 2013

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Day Ten

Who wants to play Scrabble?

Me! Me! Me!

Great.  You get the Scrabble board, you get the cookbooks.

Maybe you misheard me.

I want to play Scrabble not make a blueberry bundt cake.

(Although that sounds good too).

Amy you know we celebrate Shabbat.  We can play Scrabble but we don't write. We keep score with cookbooks.

Everyone keeps a cookbook on their lap.  You put a slip of paper on the page corresponding to the number of points you have.  For example, AWAY, quinoa with roasted apple and pine nuts.   CHAIN, beef with a horseradish crust.

Brillliant and very practical.  Board game scorage and meal planning.

How come Oprah didn't tell us about this when she went to the Hassidic home in Brooklyn?

Guess they must have played Pinochle.

Saturday, 9 November 2013

Day Nine

Parked in neighbourhood with old fashioned parking meters.

Have no change.

Hey is that E's mother walking down the street?

Hi Mrs E do you have a quarter?

Sure.  Go into my purse and open my wallet?

Just got your nails done?

Yup.

No shellac?

Nope.  Ruins your nails.

(Tell me about it)

Grab quarter and put it in parking meter.

Smile at Mrs E.

 That wasn't A Quarter she says.  That was a dollar.

Oops.

Choose a Moral:

1.  If Canadians are going to have coins instead of singles, we have only ourselves to thank.

2. If you introduce me to your mother it may end up costing her

3. Shellac may ruin your nails but it preserves your pocketbook.

Friday, 8 November 2013

Day Eight

Turns out there's a new way to peel bananas.

Turn them upside down and peel from the bottom.

Guarantees a lack of blemish.

Heard it around the Boardroom table.

Bring the big news home to the kids who are not fans of blemished fruit.

Oh Yeah Mom. That's how Everyone is peeling them now.  That's how monkeys do it.  It's all over the Internet.

Peeling bananas is all over the Internet?

Well, peeling bananas upside down.  No one would be caught dead peeling the old way.

There's a cool way to peel bananas?

Mom, you are so old.

Choose A Moral:

1. Bad enough to follow skirt lengths and lipstick colours, now we have to stay on top of fruit peeling fashion.

2. Thank goodness I have cool friends like K who are going to keep me apprised of latest trends even up to and including the peeling of soft fruit.

3. I'm not saying Darwin was wrong, I'm just saying he may have jumped the gun a little.

Thursday, 7 November 2013

Day Seven

N having a fly problem in her house.

Very annoying little flies.

Probably the fruit.  Let's put The Bananas in The Freezer.

 Nope.  That's not it.

Neighbour says Same Thing Happened to Me.  It was Our Houseplants.

Out go the Houseplants.

That's not it either.

Looks online.  Finds two possible solutions.

First, Pour bleach down your drains.

Buys case of Javel.  Pours it down every drain.  Multiple times.  House smells like a public pool.

Flies laughing hysterically.

Time for Plan B.

But first let me ask you a question.

What is the Number One thing you are Not Supposed to Catch Flies With?

Yes.

Pours Apple Cider Vinegar into a saucer.

Flies flock to it like, like uh, honey.

Drown immediately.

Fly problem solved.

Next you're going to tell me the cobbler's children are all walking around with shoes.










Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Day Six

Complaint Story I Haven't Told You Yet

Cousin goes to theatre in New York.

Sees Othello.

No she didn't have to. She wanted to.

Many students in theatre.

Students very noisy.

Cousin crutches over to theatre manager and says Students Very Noisy.  Shylock is peeling Benjamins out of his wallet and I can't hear a thing.

Manager shrugs Yeah, Whattya Gonna Do.

Crutches back up to her seat.

It is the East, and Juliet has a gun? is a nun? not much fun?

Cousin goes back to Manager. This is Seriously impinging on my ability to enjoy Shakespeare.

(Impinging? People who like Shakespeare are apparently also very articulate.)

Manager shrugs Yeah, Whattya Gonna Do.

(Clearly not a Shakespeare man, himself.)

Cousin leaves disappointed.

Bad enough that I have to use crutches.  Bad enough that I like Shakespeare so much I am  here by myself in the middle of the day. Bad enough that from where I was sitting it looked like some guy woke up in the forest and had turned into a donkey.

But to have the Manager dismiss my concerns like this? Unacceptable.

Cousin e-mails theatre directly. Asks for ticket refund.

Unenthusiastic response.

Cousin e-mails ticket company. You sold me a ticket to a show that I couldn't hear because there were too many noisy students.

Oh, Cousin, I say to her. This is never going to work.  It is completely not the ticket company's fault.  They are just processing the transaction.  How were they supposed to know that there would be a bunch of students? That the students would be noisy? That the Manager would refuse to have them leave the theatre?

Well Cousin says. I Disagree.  The ticket company needs to stand behind the theatres they do business with.  I hold them responsible.

People in audience always ask me if I'm ever Wrong.

Yes.

Ticket company immediately issued full refund and apology.

One last question.

Who is Spot? And why was Lady MacBeth kicking him out?





Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Day Five


The other day I went to a spectacular restaurant across from my work called TK Resto Bar.

It's a new kind of food called Filipino Fusion.

It is squeezed between the buanderie (laundromat) where we all bring our camp duffle bags and a depanneur (convenience store) which has the best bubble tea in town.

(Not that I've ever had bubble tea, but I have a colleague who's OBSESSED.)

They have cool adaptations of usual favourites like mac and cheese with apricot and lamb (which we didn't have) and ramen burgers (which we also didn't have).

I thought a ramen burger would be a burger with pieces of ramen noodles as a thickener.  WRONG.

Ramen burger is a burger where instead of the bun, there are two packs of ramen noodles.

Apparently it's delicious.

Oh and the decor is so cute. It's all wood walls, wood stools and wood tables - handmade or close to it.

They are licensed and they take credit cards.

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes stepping out of my comfort zone is as simple as crossing the street.

2. Work lunches can be productive even if not held in cafeteria.

3. Salmon tartare tacos not as risky a lunch choice as perhaps you may have guessed.

3. Restaurants should not be judged by their neighbours. Rent is expensive.

4. It's only Day Five and we're already into restaurant reviews. This may be a long month.

Monday, 4 November 2013

Day Four Take Two

Phone Conversation Between Me and B (14 year old son)

Me: Did you read my blog?

B: Mom you read it to me.  I had no choice.

Me: What did you think it was about?

B: I had no clue what your blog was about, Mom.

Me: I thought it was about me being judgmental, you calling me on it and your sister having no idea what we were talking about.

B: that's great Mom can I go now?

Me: I don't think it came across though.  I got a text message from a friend who was clearly offended.  I feel terrible.

B: Who?

Me: Anyway I'm going to print an apology tomorrow.

B: MOM TAKE THE BLOG DOWN

Me:  I'm not taking the blog down I'm printing an apology.

B:  MOM THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS.  When I had a joke on Facebook that offended one person -ONE PERSON, MOM - you said that if any one gets offended the joke comes down.

So completely different story but same moral: when you teach your kids to be independent thinkers sometimes they tell you that you are wrong.  And in this case, as in yesterday's, my kid was right.

Subliminal Messages for You Know Who You Are:
1. I am sorry that I hurt your feelings.
2. You mean the world to me.
3.Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
4. Hope we can still have lunch.



Sunday, 3 November 2013

Day Three

Walking past park bench and see lovely woman nursing her baby.

(Amy it's November. No one is sitting outside on a park bench nursing.

OK you have me. Either this is an old story or I am trying to disguise someone's identity.)

Strike up a conversation with Complete Stranger.

I tell her I like the way she just whipped out her boob and threw her baby on it.  When I see women building intricate teepees and yurts out of receiving blankets I find it so much less discreet.  All those flailing arms and waving fabric remind me of a Cirque de Soleil show.

OH I agree completely says Stranger.

In fact, she says, the other day I was at a baby seminar and I looked around the room.  All I saw were women with these giant shower curtains trying to cover up their nursing newborns.  And some of the curtains had Winne the Pooh on them.

I gasp.  That's the worst.

But you know what? That wasn't the worst.

Guess what these shower curtain nursing wigwams are called?

HOOTER HIDERS.

Put your hooters away, ladies.  We will let you know when we need them.

And by the way, if you can't nurse in a room full of other nursing women, where the h can you nurse?

If you are all about the bottle I support you completely.  And if you are all about the boob you also have my undying support.  If you adopted your kid long after bottles and breastfeeding, you too have my complete commitment.

But if you are all about covering up your choice - well, you should know that you are attracting way more attention to yourself by draping pastel cartoon characters off your nether regions than you would if you just stuck your kid under your t-shirt.

Then again, who am I to judge.


Saturday, 2 November 2013

Day Two

Yesterday I told you about a new holiday called candlelight where you come home from work, light a candle and enjoy the flickering light.

Since we will be spending the month together you should know I'm a huge liar.

It's called candle time not candlelight.

Ok not a liar.

But I frequently make mistakes.

Like the time during nablopomo when I forgot to blog.

Oh wait.

That one hasn't happened yet.

2 down, 28 to go.


Friday, 1 November 2013

Day One

We are celebrating two holidays today.

One is called nablopomo - National Blog Posting Month which means you (well in this case I) need to post a blog entry every day for the month of November.  There are many reasons one would do this (listed on the website are things like "build community")  but frankly I'm just curious to see how hard it will be and what kind of excuses I will come up with when I miss a day.

The other holiday is called Candlelight. Candlelight was invented in 2009 by a friend of mine to help people embrace the oncoming dark wet cold winter.  To celebrate, from Nov 1-the day before American thanksgiving, you light a candle as soon as you come home. You enjoy your favorite drink and perhaps a snack while admiring your flickering lights.

I had big plans to link to the candlelight website and post a pic of night one.

But then I started experiencing technical difficulties and I realized.

We're going to be together all month.

What if we run out of things to talk about?