Monday, 11 February 2013

Not So Fast

About 17 years ago we were at Thanksgiving dinner.

Someone brought a baby.

Offered to hold baby so mother could eat.

Baby a bit fussy.

Turned her onto my shoulder so could face backward.

Dining room chairs a little taller than anticipated.

Baby's face may have possibly collided with back of chair.

Baby's neck may have possibly snapped back like she was auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance.

Mom was distinctly nonplussed.

Her understated reaction was (and continues to be) shocking to the Thanksgiving hosts.

I have been in the unenviable position of defending the mom for not getting angrier at me.

I have actually uttered the words: "Well, at least I didn't drop the baby on her head."

Fast forward to Brunch, yesterday.

Another friend and her gorgeous 17 year old daughter, E.

Reminiscing about what a cute baby E was.

Remember that time at Yom Kippur? - says the mom.

You put her in the stroller without strapping her in.

You did WHAT? Brunch guests gaped at me, horrified. What happened next?

Stroller tipped over, said the mom.

IT WHAT? More horrified glares.

It was 17 years ago, I said in my defence.

And, well, at least I didn't -- Actually, I think I may have.

Morals of The Story:
1. Babies should not be included in holiday dinners, pose too much of a security risk.
2. Practice on other people's children so by the time you have your own you know what you are doing.
3. It is possible to repress a memory of a truly humiliating event.
4. Something great about friends who have known you forever and can forgive you anything.


  1. thank you for this! Dropped my own baby today (and by dropped, I mean she slipped out of my hands while sitting on the floor, and face-planted onto the hardwood. ouch!)

  2. I didn't even drop the kid! She was running and tripped over my foot, crashlanded and then the crying started. I still feel guilty!

  3. I accidentally dropped my then baby cousin on her head when I was 9 years old. She now has a doctorate in physiotherapy and two gorgeous kids of her own. Being dropped on the pavement = academic and lifetime success.

  4. I remember this like it was yesterday.

  5. Thanks for entertaining me this evening:)