Thursday, 24 January 2013

The Red Duo-Tang Tax

Mom I need a red Duo-Tang for Health Class.

Did you look downstairs with all the extra school supplies?


Did you look in your brother's room?


Do you not find it completely unreasonable that your teacher is asking for these now? Why couldn't she have asked for red Duo-Tangs at the beginning of the year when we were busy chasing down clear plastic report covers and non-liquid white-out?

Mom I need a red Duo-Tang for Health Class.

It's 8:21am.

Quick calculation: If I put the dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher, that will save us 14 seconds per person.

Postpone taking out the recycling till next week: 6 minute savings.

I can shave a pure three minutes off my time by wearing a cowl instead of a scarf.

Who needs lipstick anyway? (51 seconds)

We now have exactly enough time to pull up in front of Office Supply Store, race in, grab red Duo-Tang, throw dollar fifty at cashier and forget that in late August Duo-Tangs were 17 cents each.

Reserved parking space available right in front.

Leave kids in car. Leave car running. (Turning off ignition + putting keys in pocket = an unaffordable 8 seconds).

Duo-Tangs on sale.

Green, red, yellow, orange, grey, black, pink, white.


Only available in packages of ten.


Race back to car, holding red Duo-Tangs victoriously in the air.

Oh thanks, Mom, but why are you rushing? I don't need it till next Thursday.

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