Friday, 20 April 2012

Chocolate, Vanilla, Lime Green

72 hours before the biggest (and only) catered event of my life so far, I get an e-mail from the caterer.


Heart drops.

Venue flooded.

Caterer declared bankruptcy.

Food poisoning incident.

None of the above.

E-mail reads:

Cake: Chocolate or Vanilla?
Icing: Chocolate or Vanilla?
Trim: Blue?


1. Relief
2. Jealous of people to whom the only emergency they have ever known is chocolate related
3. Also jealous of people to whom this decision would actually be an urgent one
4. Pity for the caterer who probably has to deal with decisions of this nature with the delicacy that perhaps they do not deserve
5. I am obviously in the wrong industry

Monday, 16 April 2012

Maybe You Can Explain This To Me

Cheesy accessories store.

5 for $10 or 10 for $10.

I have 5 for $10.

So far so good.

I have 3 for 10 for $10.


Cashier says Choose 7 more items.

No thank you.  I have enough pink zebra hairbands.  I really need these three with feathers.


If I choose 10, it will be $10 even.

You win.

Al Gore and I lose.

In retrospect, I should have purchased the extra items and just left them on the counter.

Next time.

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Why I Will Never Be an Economics Teacher

I just paid $7.78 each for two containers of for cream cheese.

Here's how I rationalized it:

1. Had to buy cream cheese anyway.  Four buck premium for chopped chives.

2.  Didn't buy lox.

3.  First post-Passover bagel deserves a special shmear.

4.  Little comforts, big impact.

5.  Very expensive week. Can easily hide four dollar loss.

If Suze Orman calls, tell her I'm in the shower.

Monday, 2 April 2012

Because I Don't Have A Problem and I Absolutely Don't Spend Too Much Time on Pinterest

Friday night 8:47pm.

Home Depot.


Clerk does not know what I am talking about.

Has me type the word burlap into her computer.

Yes. We have it in stock.

Great, I need two packages.

Well, it's a seasonal item.


And we have it, but it's somewhere in the back.


We couldn't possibly get to it now.

But I checked online before I came.  It showed you have six packages in your inventory and I only need two.

Yes, we have six packages.  Burlap is used to wrap pine trees in the fall.

(Oh, so now you suddenly know what burlap is.  Interesting.)


We put it away in the winter.

I am confused.  Your store inventory shows you have it but I can't actually buy it?

That is correct Ma'am.  We have it somewhere in the back. On top. It's a seasonal item.

So there is absolutely no way we can ask the guys in back to look around for it?


Great.  Thank you for your help.

Note to Web Developers working for Home Depot:  Next to the Store Inventory button we need a Can We Actually Access the Product button.  Apparently having burlap in the store does not necessarily mean we can put it in a cart, wheel it to the cash, pull money out of our wallets to pay for it, throw it in the car, drive it home and use it for very important and life changing craft projects.

I'm a little disappointed.