Wednesday, 29 February 2012

High School Students, Drugs and a Horse

Yesterday I was invited to my son's high school to talk to the Grade 8's and Grade 7's about public speaking.

To involve the kids from the beginning, I had them write down topics for me to speak about.

Collected the topics from the kids and referred to them repeatedly throughout the slightly boring lecture fascinating expose of public speaking in the 21st century.

Suggested topics included: dolphins, lions, cats, turtles (I'm serious. What is with these kids and animals.), giving birth, being new to Montreal, cake, bringing your iPod to class, and the inevitable kid that gave me a blank piece of looseleaf.

I burned through the animal kingdom pdq.  Flew through the next series of topics, and reached for the final scrap of paper.



Actually, I tell the kids, I have a funny story about drugs.

Chatting with my boys about drugs the other day.  Telling them that I have a zero tolerance policy against drugs.  I don't find them cute, I don't find them funny and my beloved cherubs will find themselves on the street living in a cardboard box faster than you can say neuf-un-un.

My kids are arguing what if they need medicinal marijuana.  What if they get AIDS?

I tell them if they have AIDS they are about to die and therefore have way bigger problems than my position on medical marijuana.

What if they get AIDS by mistake? B. and G. argue, relentlessly trying to find some situation where I will crack.  Some scenario where I will say - OK, in that case drugs are fine.

Reaching deep down into the barrel, B. pulls out the following:

What if, B. says, he is riding a horse, and the horse has AIDS, and the horse gets shot by a bullet that travels bloodily through said horse and into B.'s leg, summarily infecting him with the HIV virus, which immediately develops into full-blown AIDS, and what if they only thing that gives him some relief is drugs?

Does he actually think I'm going to fall for that one?

I'm smarter than that, kiddo.

You on a horse?  Ha.  Never.

What did I actually answer him?

Extenuating Circumstances will be Reviewed on a Case by Case basis.

Complaint Tie In:  Sometimes when arguing,  hypothetical scenarios will become increasingly outrageous.  You do not owe your spouse, kids or co-workers a full response or explanation.  I came up with a good line and I am sharing it with you in the hopes that it will give you the same sense of satisfaction it gave me.  Ok fine that's not a complaint tie-in.  But it does explain where I was coming from.  And the high school students? Totally cute.


  1. clearly your job is not done, because he didn't ask about horse tranquilizers, and we all know those are best drugs....

  2. I am left with four take-aways:

    1) Neuf un un should be the name of a techno singles night for fire, police and EMS personnel.

    2) Can horses get the HIV virus?

    3) The horse and the bullet scenario: This story reminds me of the women who got pregnant when she was hit in the uterus by a bullet that had just ripped through the privates of a most unfortunate soldier (which inspired the lesser known blockbuster 'Saving Ryan's Privates".

    4) I need some crack. Where is my dime bag?

  3. Amy, you continue to bring a smile to my face with this blog- despite being thousands of kms away- I am hoarding all your advice !