Friday, 2 December 2011

Four stories where the punch line is: It could be worse, it could have been a gerbil

Story 1:
T (6 year old) comes up from basement.

Where were you?

Just feeding my goldfish brunch.

Me: Your goldfish eats brunch?

Husband:  We have a goldfish?

Goldfish is one of those miracle pets that is fed sporadically, never has clean water, and has lived to the ripe old age of three and a half.  How could husband have not noticed?

Well, I guess I can forgive him for not noticing a fish. They are quiet and unobtrusive.

It could be worse, it could have been a gerbil.

Story 2:
Open our eyes.  Snow.

Kids, get your boots on.

What boots? (No one has boots.)

Look in my closet.  One orange boot.  (Even worse than two missing boots is one missing boot.)

Guess we were over-enthusiastic in our spring cleaning.

Jump in car and head for evil retailer giant which opens at 8am.

Kids put on winter coats for the first time in months.

G reaches into his pocket and pulls out a yogurt tube.  A yogurt tube that has been sitting in his pocket since last winter.

Ewww. Gross.

It could be worse, it could have been a gerbil.

Story 3:
Speaking engagement at the Rotary Club.  Seated at Head Table.  Table-mate regaling me with tales of her reign as Sales Associate at a hardware store in England.

Seems she had a rich eccentric customer who visited her quite frequently.

At one point, he offered her a lift home.  She gets into his Rolls Royce Silver Cloud and there are ten newly hatched chicks running around the car.  It seems his wife wanted the chicks for an easter party.

It could have been worse, it could have been a gerbil gerbils.

Story 4:
Friend of a friend of a friend has a neighbor who was in a play group with a kid who has a cousin who lives across the street from a little girl who accidentally hugged her hamster too tight.  Hamster died.

Mother brought home another hamster.  Kid enthusiastically hugged hamster #2.

Hamster died.

Mother said, third time's a charm and brought home a third hamster.  Kid loved hamster #3 so much, she hugged it until it, too, greeted St. Peter at the pearly gates.

It could be worse, it could have been a - wait, never mind.


  1. at least is was a hamster and not a dog.... ;)

  2. Ames,

    f-ing hilarious. I speak with the authority of one who has owned several gerbils.